Born of tragedy and betrayal, a villain reigns throughout the underground. An evil genius and hip hop iconoclast, infamous and tormented, he is shrouded in mystery, hidden behind a mask of metal. Few know his real identity. He has been called Vicktor Vaughn, Metal Fingers, Danger Doom, Madvillain and King Geedorah. But to most, he is simply DOOM.

The legend begins circa 1991. A man, calling himself Zev Love X, creates the hip hop trio KMD with his brother, DJ Subroc. Armed with a major label deal with Elektra and heavy play on Yo! MTV Raps and Rap City, KMD was destined for success. Their critically acclaimed debut, Mr. Hood, was their ticket to the American Dream.

But two short years later, tragedy struck. KMD was set to release their sophomore album, Black Bastards, when DJ Subroc was killed in a car accident. That same week, they were dropped from Elektra and Black Bastards was shelved.

Reeling from the loss of his brother and exploited by a duplicitous music industry, Zev Love X became noticeably absent from the scene. Dealing with depression and “recovering from his wounds,” he swore revenge against “the industry that so badly deformed him.” During this time, the unreleased Black Bastards tape was bootlegged and his legend permeated every corner of the underground.

Four long years passed and Zev Love X and KMD were merely memories. Only the Black Bastards recordings lived on. Hip Hop was still recovering from the losses of Tupac and Biggie. And the genre was on it’s way to monetary success and societal irrelevance. It was during this tenuous time, a man began freestyling at the Nuyrican Poets Cafe in New York. He wore a mask and spit fire. A legend was reborn.

Zev Love X was back, this time as MF DOOM. Inspired by the comic book villains with whom he identified, he set out to exact his revenge on mainstream Hip Hop.

DOOM bucked fast growing trends like bitches, bling and fake gangsta posturing. He didn’t show up on 106th and Park with his hypeman and jewels rambling about his $90,000 watch. T-Pain never sang a hook on one of his songs. He never fed the machine of Hip Hop commercialism.

Instead, he embraced Hip Hop’s roots with his masterful flow, turntablism, and sick punchlines. He appeared on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim and talked to a wad of meat. He featured Charles Bukowski on records. He became the epitome of independent Hip Hop.

From 1999’s Operation Doomsday to last month’s Born Like This, DOOM has embodied the authenticity and developed the cultish following major label artists crave. But, not once, did he lose his integrity. Not once, did he deviate from his plan of exposing mainstream Hip Hop as the fraud it had become.

So who won the epic battle of DOOM vs. The Mainstream? Let’s compare:

It’s 2009 and Hip Hop has long been dead. We’ve seen a number of faceless “artists” rise to the top only to be forgotten as soon as the next fad comes along (anyone remember D4L or Baby Huey or Shop Boyz?). Flo-Rida, Soulja Boy and T-Pain dominate the charts right now. But they will be the next victims of a fickle marketplace (teenage girls).

At the same time, MF DOOM has ruled the underground for ten years. He’s amassed 17 solo albums and countless other appearances. He’s worked with Madlib, Rhymesayers, DJ Danger Mouse, J Dilla and many others. Born Like This even debuted on the Billboard Top 100, proving that DOOM can beat the industry at their own game.

Say hello to the motherfucking bad guy.

No, this isn’t one of those “who would win in a fight” questions, or “whose tights are less gay”. This is a study in archetypes. The hero, since the days of ancient mythology, has been a figure of human perseverance. Overcoming external adversities and internal weaknesses is what we all strive for in our lives, even if we’re not going to put on boots and a cape to do it.

There are hundreds of superheroes in the comic world; too many to list here. However, I believe that these masked crusaders can be put into two distinct categories: The Idealist and the Vigilante. As far as longevity and popularity, no two characters can epitomize these distinctions better than Superman and Batman.

Superman is an alien. He came from a planet far, far away, and was raised in small-town America. He grew up having the values of this country’s culture engrained in him. So when he moved to the big city and became a superhero, he also became the embodiment of American idealism. Other superheroes, as well as his nemeses, refer to him as a “boy scout”. This is because he firmly believes in a simply morality. Innocent people must be protected. Bad guys must be punished, but not by Superman. Instead, he displays unwavering faith in the justice system, refusing to kill wrongdoers, and turning them over to authorities in full view of the public and media. Captain America was a blatant manifestation of U.S. propaganda against Russia during the cold war. Superman differs in only one color: instead of red, white, and blue, he is red, blue, and yellow. Primary colors. This implies that the convictions of Superman are universal, primary, inherent to the fabric of all human life, and America exemplifies all of them. Superman is real, and he is American.

Batman is human. He is the son of billionaires, who are killed by a simple mugger while wandering back from the opera through a bad neighborhood. The shooter was acquitted, proving to Bruce Wayne that the system doesn’t work the way it should. Rather than living off his inheritance and becoming a spineless socialite, he spent money on charities, and time honing his mind and body to become the ultimate vigilante. Half the people in the city support him, and half condemn him. Oddly enough, it’s mostly the upper class and politicians who consider him a menace. He is the voice of the downtrodden and the only one willing to get his hands dirty in the pursuit of justice and morality, whether it’s a simple purse snatching or a diabolical scheme by The Joker.

I won’t pick a side here, as this is applicable to myriad religious, ethical, political, and personal aspects of modern culture. But I will say that the main question in this battle of ethics is this: is it more important to stay within the law and defend justice as a human institution, or stain your hands with blood defending justice as an objective concept?

The paradox of both ideologies, however, is that the supervillains constantly attacking these respective cities probably wouldn’t exist if not for the appearance of the heroes. A hero is only a hero if he has a reasonably equal counterpart, and it isn’t always as simple as black and white. Is the Punisher a vigilante or a mass murderer? Is Magneto a civil rights advocate or a dangerous militant leader? Who was really warped, Rorschach or Ozymandias?

I could discuss (at great length and tedium) Hinduism’s polytheistic dualities, the partisanship in American government, or Spiritual morality. The point is that these make believe characters aren’t just silly stories for kids and nerds. They are as much engrained in our society and our psychology as sports, finance, politics, and philosophy. Every culture has their Hercules, their Thor, their Spider-Man. They give us something to aspire to; an idea to relate to our own lives. Because, though none of us are going to jump in our invisible jet and lasso evildoers, we all want to believe that our strengths outweigh our vices, and that we can overcome any problem that may arise.

1. The Joker

The mysteries of Joker’s origins can best be summed up in his own words, “Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another…if I’m going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice!”

This guy is so fucking insane, it borders on genius. But the best thing about The Joker is that he doesn’t have a singular objective. Granted, he enjoys attempting to murder Batman as much as the next guy. But he genuinely delights in carnage, mayhem and mass-murder. His intricate plans and unpredictability make him a dangerous arch nemesis.

2. Green Goblin

While Sam Raimi’s film may have slightly exaggerated Norman Osborn’s relationship with Spider-Man. The Green Goblin was an enduring force to be reckoned with. Osborn may have been benevolent, but his alter ego was completely batshit crazy and out to kill Spider-Man. Rich, smart and strong as hell (thanks to his patented drugs), he spawned several imitators, but none could match.

3. Magneto

Magneto is possibly the most respectable and sympathetic villain out there. When he was a child, his family was taken to Auschwitz, where he was forced to operate the gas chamber controls. He later befriended Charles Xavier (leader of the X-Men), both men being very intelligent and devoted to preserving mutant life. However, his experience with the Nazis led Magneto to lead a preemptive strike against humanity. Fearing another holocaust, he will stop at nothing to protect his Brotherhood.

4. Venom/Carnage/Toxin

We put these three together because they’re essentially the same thing. Venom was the original, an alien symbiote who first bonded with Spider-Man, making him a little evil, then with Eddie Brock, the anti-Peter Parker. Brock’s murderous tendencies turned the alien into a nasty Spider-Man doppelganger, with all of his powers and agility. The same symbiote was responsible for turning a serial killer into Carnage, basically Venom except more insane and dangerous. Carnage then begat Toxin, who, despite being labeled as a villain, was actually a good guy with a Jekyll and Hyde kind of dichotomy. Venom helped stop Carnage, Toxin helped stop Carnage and Venom…

5. Dr. Doom

He’s the usurped heir to an eastern European gypsy empire. He’s an expert in sorcery, alchemy, and metallurgy. He’s rich, strong, made of metal, and shoots sparkly things out of his fingertips. And he’s really pissed off. Sure, the Fantastic Four isn’t the coolest superhero group ever, but one on four, and he still holds his own. That and his actual name is Victor Von Doom…how can he not be a badass?

Honorable Mentions

The Riddler

An obsessive compulsive with a question mark painted on his chest may not be the greatest villain ever (especially after Jim Carrey and Joel Schumacher got done with him), but The Riddler is an interesting character. Most of his crimes are non-violent, and he never tries to outright kill Batman. Instead, he attempts to beat him in a game of wit, always giving Batman a way out should he solve the puzzle, and he nearly outsmarts him every time. He’s crazy, but in a One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest kinda way, not a Dahmer kinda way.

Brainiac

Since his introduction in 1958, Brainiac’s origin story has been changed several times, but the essentials stay the same. He is basically a brain and nervous system who finds host bodies. He also controls computers, which, added to his psychic abilities, makes him a formidable foe for Superman (he’s big and strong, but not all that bright). He’s more of a nuisance, but he’s more tenacious than Doomsday (whose body he actually controlled in an epic battle for earth…nerdy).

1. Batman

Over the last few decades, Batman has transformed from a blue/gray sketch in a comic, to the campy Adam West, to a dark and brooding puppet of Frank Miller. He’s completely human. Growing up, you believed you could be Batman. You didn’t have to get bitten by a radioactive spider or be born a mutant. His powers were being ripped as shit, smart as hell and richer than God—all things that seem perfectly attainable to the average 10 year old.

He is the quintessential vigilante. Battling a rogue’s gallery of villains crazier than any other hero, he’s multi-layered character that we’ve only begun to fully understand.

2. The Punisher

It’s like the guys at Marvel asked themselves, “How could we make Batman more badass?” Kill his wife and kids, paint a skull on his chest, and give him more guns than a Mexican drug cartel. Yup. That’ll do it.

He’s not as complex as The Dark Knight. But he fights the good fight and has no problem putting two in your dome if you’re a bad guy.

3. Ghost Rider

John Blaze makes a deal with the devil to save his father from cancer. The cancer goes away and then his dad dies in a motorcycle accident. Man, that Lucifer is shifty…

Ghost Rider’s motives are pure, protecting his loved ones at any cost. It’s just that at night, he turns into the most evil-looking superhero ever and spits hot fire out of a shotgun. You might not like Nicholas Cage or Method Man, but you gotta love the Ghost Rider.

4. Rorshach

Rorshach is fucking crazy, a murdering psychopath, but his morals are clearly defined. His mask is made from scraps of a dress designed by Dr. Manhattan for Kitty Genovese. The lines constantly change, but it’s always black and white. To him, being soft on criminals means letting them live. Raised by a whore, Rorschach can’t connect with society. He sees the world as a cesspool of sex, drugs and violence. But still, he seeks to save the world from itself. And he refuses to compromise even in the face of Armageddon.

5. Wolverine

For being such an enduring superhero figure, we don’t know much about Wolverine. His history is shrouded in mystery. We know he has those crazy fucking claws. We know he can regenerate. We know he was born in the late 1800s and his powers manifested early in life. But his backstory is full of contradictions and missing links. So much so that Wolverine spends most of his adventures trying to understand his past.

But anytime you have a guy that was an experimental weapon, an assassin, a samurai and saved the world, you have to be intrigued.

Blade

Blade is a superhero—that wants to drink your blood? That’s just cool. Half vampire, half human, Blade has all their strengths and none of their weaknesses (except, of course, for the thirst. But Kris Kristofferson will take care of that). With an arsenal like The Punisher’s and agility like Wolverine, Blade is by far the coolest vampire ever.

Gambit Abandoned by his family because of his glowing red eyes, Gambit was raised by a guild of thieves in New Orleans. After killing his fiancee’s disapproving brother, he was exiled and spent his life as a thief and mercenary before being picked up by Mr. Sinister (a really, really bad guy). Sinister helped him develop his powers in exchange for violent favors. Soon after, the X-Men took him in and he’s been throwing supercharged poker cars at bad guys ever since.

Spawn

Spawn would deserve an honorable mention, if only because Todd MacFarlane drew the comics. That man could make the Care Bears seem menacing. Spawn is a lot darker than most comics and is considered to be more of an anti-hero than a superhero. He dies, goes to hell and sells his soul to a demon to come back and see his wife one last time. Once back on earth, he desperately tries to hang on to his humanity and ends up doing battle with an insane assortment of evildoers.

by The Great White Gypsy

Who the hell does Zack Snyder think he is?

In 1990, he directed Playground, a short documentary about Michael Jordan. 14 years later, he assumes that gives him the right to remake a horror classic originally done by the iconic George A. Romero. One feature film, and he jumps into the ring with Frank Miller, imagining he’s gone a mean left-hook. As if that wasn’t arrogant enough, this year he thinks he can show up to Sharon Tate’s parties just because he knows Alan Moore? (That was tasteless, but Moore looks like Charles Manson, for real.)

Who the hell does Zack Snyder think he is?

A great fucking filmmaker, that’s who.

Anyone who knows me knows that, in film as well as literature, character development is very important to me. This is why, more than most directors, I respect guys like Snyder, who show incredible maturation, even in three films.

Dawn of the Dead (2004) was campy, ridiculous, everything a horror remake should be. 300 wasn’t quite as cool as Sin City, but it was visually amazing, and made me want to go to the gym and fight Persian people. Between the two, you could see Snyder honing his skills, focusing his efforts. Now, with Watchmen, he has shown that, even restricted to the comic book genre, he is a grown-ass man.

Based on Alan Moore’s award winning and lengthy graphic novel, the Watchmen story is complicated, so I’ll give you the cliff notes. In an alternate history of the U.S., where Richard Nixon is in his fifth presidential term, The Watchmen are a group of costumed heroes similar to minutemen. In 1985, years after they’ve all been forcibly retired, one of them is murdered. This prompts the rest of them to dust off the tights and investigate the increasingly intricate evil plan that threatens them, and the world.

Adapting a book is hard enough. Graphic novels, however, have artwork, narrative, and dialog, cramming a lot more information into a few pages. Snyder seems to scoff at this, elaborating on the entire “alternate history” in the opening credits with live action still shots (similar to comic panels), from the 1920’s to the late ‘70’s, all set to Bob Dylan’s “The Times They Are A’Changin’”. In 60 seconds, you’re caught up and ready to see some action.

And the action, both mental and physical, might not have you on the edge of your seat, but it will have your eyes wide the entire two hours and forty-eight minutes. The effects are pretty sweet, although one scene seems really borrowed from 300 (maturing, not quite matured). With Tyler Bates again doing the composing, the score is tense and exciting. Even the soundtrack is perfect. Featuring Jimi Hendrix, Leonard Cohen, Tears for Fears, and Janis Joplin, it adds realism to the story as well as the time period.

William Hoy, whose editing credits the last 6 years are limited to simple stories and the comic book genre, does a respectable job of juggling character backgrounds, flashbacks, and heroic action sequences. It’s not the best I’ve seen, but it is on par with the rest of the film.

Finally, casting for this one is hit and miss. Jackie Earle Haley (Little Children) does a great job as Rorschach, a psychotic masked vigilante, but his face is covered 90% of the time. Patrick Wilson is generally solid (Hard Candy, Lakeview Terrace, Little Children), but doesn’t add a whole lot to the character (in all fairness, Night Owl II is kind of one dimensional in the novel too). Malin Akerman (The Heartbreak Kid) is definitely the weak link, bringing neither the acting experience, nor the sexiness to her role as Silk Spectre II (Carla Gugino plays her aged mother…kind of an oversight there). Billy Crudup arguably does the best job in the film as Dr. Manhattan. His voice is monotone, he’s calm and introspective, and he’s completely CGI. But the character is very important to the story, and Crudup does an amazing job of adding believability and detached emotion to the role.

This isn’t the typical superhero movie, it’s not just another summer blockbuster. It is deep, thought provoking, and most importantly entertaining. There are slight holes in the filmmaking, but the story as an adaptation is extremely well done, even deviating from the original in ways that actually compliment and improve it. I hope the director’s cut DVD is four hours long.

Final Grade: B+

I know it’s been like 3 weeks since The Watchmen was released. And maybe we’re a little late to the party. But seeing that movie has sent sexy gypsy into a Superhero frenzy. It’s all we’ve been talking about for a while. We’ve re-watched the films, bought the comic books and discussed them to no end.

So in celebration of this awesome and underappreciated art form, we are declaring the next week Superhero Week. We’ll be hitting you with reviews of both The Watchmen movie and graphic novel, our Top 5 Superheroes and Villains and some other surprises.

Check back soon and feel free to drop a comment.

Until Next Time, Your Fearless Leader