It’s only been two days since the world lost one of it’s biggest stars, and cinephiles everywhere are still processing. If you were anything like me, you had three clear thoughts when you heard the news of Dennis Hopper’s passing, in this order:

“Wow, I didn’t even know he was sick.”
“Damn, he was a great actor”
“I haven’t seen Easy Rider in forever”

It doesn’t matter how good an actor you are, or how long and illustrious your film resume is. In the end, you will be remembered for two or three films or characters more than any others. Brando will always either be a possible contender (instead of a bum, which is what he was), or Vito Corleone from The Godfather. Peter Boyle will always be “Puttin’ on da Riiiiitz” from Young Frankenstein. Charlton Heston will always be the tallest man on the Planet of the Apes. Patrick Swayze - thanks to Family Guy - will always be “Road House!” And Dennis Hopper will always be Billy from Easy Rider. However, one need only glance at his filmography to realize that we have truly lost one of the greatest. If cinema was a conspiracy theory, Hopper would be top of the suspect list. It seems like any milestone film or major name has his fingerprints all over it.

His early work reads like an Amazon Blu-ray wishlist (hint hint, people). Rebel Without a Cause with James Dean. Cool Hand Luke with Paul Newman. Apocalypse Now with Robert Duvall, Martin Sheen, and Marlon Brando. And, of course, Easy Rider with Peter Fonda. It may not make your wishlist, but he was even in True Grit with John Wayne. Seriously. This guy was in movies with Jimmy Dean, Brando, and the fucking Duke! You’d think that’d be enough for him, but he decided to add David Lynch and Quentin Tarantino to his rolodex with Blue Velvet and True Romance respectively.

He probably could have stopped after those films, and been totally set for life. Unlike so many current actors, however, Hopper was a work horse. Personally, I think that’s only part of being a great actor (aside from, you know, being good at acting). The other part is not taking yourself too seriously. Hopper nailed that too. If it’s not enough that he was in Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (the most ridiculous one in the series) and Waterworld (no, shut up, you did not like that movie), maybe you also remember him in Super Mario Brothers? That’s right kids, Easy Rider was fucking King Koopa in Super Mario Bros., possibly the worst/greatestofalltime video game movie in history. Did he care? Fuck no, he’s Dennis Hopper. Why else would he make a retarded action classic with Keanu Reeves? He even had some fun on TV for a while in his later years, guest starring on 24 when it was still good, and headlining the amazingly well-received Crash spinoff.

Like I said, though: you’ll always be remembered for that one iconic, life-changing roll. Easy Rider. That’s how we remember Dennis Hopper. It’s how we see him in our heads. But if we’re going to let Dennis Hopper ride off into the ether, we need to make damn sure he’s got a good crew rollin’ behind him. So here, in no particular order, are Billy and his crew of the coolest bikers in cinema history.

Billy

This was back when bikers stood for something. When they represented somebody who needed a haircut, and so much more. Freedom. Real, raw American freedom, man. They were, like, hippies, man. But, man, they were so much more. They were the badasses that weren’t trying to be badasses, the ones who jumped on the hog and sped off just because they could.

Wyatt

As awesome as Hopper’s Billy was, could you really form a biker gang without Peter Fonda? The two actors wrote the script together, and had a great chemistry on screen that sunk in even further to their characters and what life is all about. Fonda may be a little more recognizable in this roll (he didn’t have a headband and a huge moustache like Hopper), and when it comes to a long distance biker experience, the two of them would be my choice for the long haul.

Johnny

At this point, Marlon Brando’s iconic character from The Wild One would probably be that friend that constantly gets the whole group into fights over dumb shit. Every group of friends needs one of those though, and in 1953 his passionate rebellion against “whatever I got” took no prisoners. Unfortunately, like the rest of us, he’s a sucker for a dame in a skirt.

Snake

Remember when Kurt Russell was a tough guy? No, seriously, he was! In John Carpenter’s Escape from New York he fit right in with the campy, chaotic NYC of the future. Nowadays, he’s the guy in the group that everyone’s a little wary of. It’s not just the eye patch, it’s the fact that he’s unpredictable. LIke at any moment, he could pull Lee van Cleef out of his pocket and smash on fuckers. He wasn’t the same after he moved to L.A.. He changed, man. He changed.

Harley Davidson and Marlboro

There were plenty of films in the late ‘80’s and early ‘90’s that showed groups of teenagers banding together to save a ski lodge, or a teen center, or whatever. How many people would rip town apart, pissing everyone off from the cops to the criminals, to save a biker bar? Two. Just two. Sure, it may be the most brazen attempt at product placement in history, but these two together are unfuckwithable, and have more testosterone than the entire Brat Pack combined. This film (cleverly titled Harley Davidson and The Marlboro Man) was a high point for Mickey Rourke, Don Johnson, and tough motherfuckers everywhere.

Leonard

“My friends call me Lenny. Only I ain’t got no friends.” C’mon, how awesome is this guy? A cigar smoking, dynamite packing bounty hunter that looks like he just walked out of Thunderdome. He’s armed to the teeth and freaking unstoppable, unless you happen to love Woody Woodpecker. Probably the best character in Raising Arizona, and one of the Coens’ best ever. I definitely want this guy on my side when shit goes down…as long as he stands where I can see him.

Opie

Ryan’s Hurst’s strong, silent-type character in Sons of Anarchy is the personification of what new generation bikers should be. Loyal to a fault, a family man, but ready to bust out the 9 at the slightest hint of conflict. He loves the culture, not just the stigmas. And that beard is not fucking around.

Ghostrider

You think I’m joking? Who better to ride sidecar through the afterlife than someone who’s been there? And for the record, I’m talking about the comic character, not Nick Cage’s bullshit attempt at badassery. Ghostrider’s a real badass who won’t take any shit, but his morals are solid. And since he only turns crazy at night, he’ll fit right in with all the other LSD-ers tripping balls.

There was a time when milestones in cinema involved actual art. A director’s technique, an editor’s style, a writer’s testicular fortitude. A time when groundbreaking films were more than just the sum of their parts. Nowadays, a milestone in cinema is when a director rips off Dances with Wolves to make a 3 hour 3-D smurf-gasm that gets nominated for 9 Academy Awards. Or a pretentiously graphic, racially devolutionary abortion…that gets nominated for 9 Academy Awards. I hate everyone. But it didn’t used to be that way.

Every director has a niche. They don’t necessarily stick to it 100% of the time, but it’s what they’re known for. Tarantino has violent, homage-laden ballets. The Coens have ensemble cast capers. Scorcese has organized crime (you fucking rat, you). John Carpenter has campy horror. Shyamalan has stupid doo-doo dumb.

In writing this article, I realize I will inevitably have to answer the question of “why?”. Why Kubrick? Why not Cassavetes? Kazan? Lumet? Coppola? If you look at the filmographies of any of these names, you will always see some sort of trend in the familiar titles. But Kubrick’s filmography reads like this: a heist, a WWI court-martial, a Roman epic, a controversial love story, a political black comedy, a science fiction masterpiece, a violent cultural commentary, a sweeping Irish drama, a horror classic, a Vietnam War film, a psycho-sexual thriller. Do you see a niche there? I don’t.

I chose Kubrick because, in a career that lasted almost 50 years, the man only made 11 films. He was a perfectionist, and he demanded perfection from his cast, his crew, and himself. But he also pushed the envelope on every single one of his films. He butted heads with censorship, controversial subject matter, politics, and culture. The man was cinema. He didn’t just direct and write, he embodied both a time period and a timeless technical craft. I chose him because, in the pantheon of Hollywood deities, Kubrick is fucking Zeus.

The Man

Kubrick was born in New York in 1928. By age 17, he was already an accomplished photographer for Look Magazine. He was also an accomplished chess player, playing for money (even hustling a little) in Greenwich Village. At 23, he used every dollar he had to finance the transition to filming, starting with a short documentary. After that, he directed several documentaries, but didn’t have to wait long to direct his first independent feature. In 1953 he directed Fear and Desire. It didn’t even earn it’s investment back upon release, was denounced by it’s producers, and possibly caused Kubrick’s first divorce. Luckily, it was only two years until his next film, Killer’s Kiss, and he met his second wife on set. Its reception was much warmer, and the next year Kubrick directed his first studio film, The Killing. Three projects later he was working on a film with the already legendary Marlon Brando. Right before filming began, Brando decided to direct the movie himself. That, plus Kubrick’s second divorce, prompted the director to make a permanent move to England, where he directed the remainder of his films.

Kubrick always had multiple projects in the works, was always reading, researching, working. Though he had a relatively low output, he was a machine. 1999’s Eyes Wide Shut was his final film. He died of a heart attack less than a week after he had finished post-production. Among his unfinished projects was A.I., a sci-fi film he’d been working on for years. However, visual effects technology never got to the level Kubrick needed to fulfill his vision, and it stayed on the backburner until, years after his death, his “friend” Steven Spielberg got his bagel-loving hands on it, causing it to be stillborn by opening weekend. Good thing that’s not Kubrick’s legacy, huh?

The Films

Kubrick’s first major film, The Killing, is damned impressive for the time period. As far as heist films go, it’s fairly straightforward. The story is told in a non-linear fashion that has been recently popularized by films like Reservoir Dogs and Pulp FIction. The narration sucks, but Jim Thompson (author, The Killer Inside Me) wrote the dialog, which considering the time period is pretty solid.

His next film, Paths of Glory (1957) would’ve never gotten off the ground had Kirk Douglas not been cast in the lead. Again, Thompson helped with the writing, and Kubrick continued to hone his style, adding long tracking shots to his already noticeable repertoire of facial closeups and three-way character conflict.

Teaming with Kirk Douglas was probably the best thing to ever happen to Stanley Kubrick. Two years later, Douglas was working on Spartacus with director Anthony Mann. They had a falling out, and Douglas demanded that Mann be replaced with Kubrick. For anyone who loved Gladiator (one of my favorite films), Spartacus was the original, the purest of the gritty Roman epics. Working with a huge budget, and with major actors like Laurence Olivier, Charles Laughton, Peter Ustinov, and Tony Curtis opened the door wide for Kubrick. Despite certain censorship issues, the film was a huge success, and Hollywood knew he was a force to be reckoned with.

Having settled in England, Kubrick decided to be a cheeky bastard, and began work on Lolita, with Vladimir Nabokov adapting his own novel. Obviously, the story of a middle-aged man being in love with his 14-year-old stepdaughter is a tad…touchy. Especially in 1962. Several actors - worried about the public backlash - turned down the role before James Mason agreed to it. If you watch The Professional or the Lolita remake, the 1961 version might not be as “controversial”, but overall it’s a very well-directed film, and Kubrick regular Peter Sellers does a fantastic job.

The next 13 years saw Kubrick hit his stride. Dr. Strangelove (1964), 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), A Clockwork Orange (1971), and Barry Lyndon (1975) are still considered his best work. That isn’t just because Kubrick personally earned 13 Oscar nominations total for the four films (Best Director, Picture, and Writing for all four) and won Best Visual Effects for 2001: A Space Odyssey. If you’ve seen these four films, you know that they are not only Kubrick’s finest, but some of the most landmark films in history. Dr. Strangelove is the ultimate black comedy, with so many era-specific political jokes, and Peter Seller’s unique brand of multiple character humor (fuck Eddie Murphy and his undeserved paychecks) that - God willing - it can never be remade. The same can be said for 2001, which is the original sci-fi masterpiece, with more imitators, parodies, and quotes than any other film of the time period. If anyone tried to remake A Clockwork Orange, I’d beat them senseless to a Beethoven soundtrack myself. The light-hearted violence, contrasting music, and innovative cinematography instantly made it one of the biggest cult classics before or since. And though you may not have heard of it, or seen it, Barry Lyndon is a beautiful, patient Irish drama that probably could’ve been done by anyone else. But it would not have been anywhere near as perfect without Kubrick’s trademarks.

Admittedly, Kubrick’s last three films aren’t as black and white. The Shining, despite being one of the most iconic horror films ever (and one that still gives me the creeps), got mixed reviews. Even Stephen King didn’t care for the adaptation, and he made his own version years later. Full Metal Jacket is widely praised as one of the best Vietnam films. However, the difference between it and Platoon, while having nothing to do with style, became a matter of ideology and humanistic war sentiment. Even more divisive were the reviews of his last film, Eyes Wide Shut. Kubrick himself called it his best film ever, but the general public had a hard time stomaching the sexual immorality and surrealism.

The Passion

You read the titles above, and I guarantee you at least recognize 9 of those 11 titles. So how does a perfection nazi who always had a full plate manage to create landmark masterpieces every time? It helps if you’re also a rebel.

Stanley Kubrick sounds like the boss from hell. Most of his films took years to make, and almost all of that was filming. He took miles of extra film for every project, made actors do 60-70 takes on one scene sometimes, just to make sure he got it right. His attention to detail was impeccable. (quick side note: it amazes me that a perfectionist such as Kubrick allowed so much improvisation for his actors; maintaining professionalism with Peter Sellers around can’t be easy.) It’s even rumored that, after Dr. Strangelove, George C. Scott swore he’d never work with Kubrick again.

To his credit, he never backed down from controversial material. Pedophilia, wanton violence and rape, nuclear war, underground sex clubs. He tackled all of them in his career. But it was all for the sake of the art. He didn’t just adapt Nabokov’s book, he had the man write a screenplay himself. He read stacks and stacks of books on nuclear war because, even though it ended up being a comedy, he wanted Dr. Strangelove to be as accurate as possible.

He also kept strange company, especially in the beginning of his career. Jim Thompson, who helped with the writing in The Killing and Paths of Glory, was a controversial author whose depiction of violence (especially against women) had gotten him in a lot of trouble in the ‘50’s. When he signed on for Spartacus, Kubrick insisted that Dalton Trumbo write the script. An interesting choice, considering Trumbo was a blacklisted writer living in Mexico after his conviction as one of The Hollywood Ten.

The Legacy

They told him people would never go for a non-linear storyline. Now it’s a widely used tool. They gave him crap for his depiction of foreign military, banning his film for years in France. Now…well, no one cares about French people. In Spartacus, he used amputees and midgets, along with 8,500 extras, to simulate a bloody Roman battlefield. They said it was too much. Now, CGI lets us watch entire armies get decapitated and maimed. What we sometimes forget about the pioneers of film, music, and art is that, though they may not have violent, life threatening opposition to their craft, censorship was a constant burden. Only after people like Stanley Kubrick pushed the envelope, bucked the system, and changed people’s minds could mainstream cinema keep these hard-won elements in its toolbox. But that still wouldn’t have been enough if he hadn’t been so goddamn good at his work. Watch The Killing, and then watch Eyes Wide Shut. These films are separated by 40 years, yet you can see so many similarities, and not just Kubrick’s trademarks. The core elements of The Killing would be equally entertaining and interesting if it was made next month. If you look at the technical style of Eyes Wide Shut (scene transitions, camera work, tracking shots, etc.), it could have just as easily been made in the 1950’s. Kubrick’s subject matter was constantly changing, growing, adapting to the times. But his style, his technique, the soul of his filmmaking never really changed; it continued to come into focus. It doesn’t matter if you like the story. It doesn’t matter if the acting is subpar. His films are, in a simplistic-yet-deeply-impressive way, perfect.

I’m willing to admit that this is all subjective. You may think Stanley Kubrick’s movies are crap. But the one thing you can’t deny, the one thing everyone in this generation needs to realize and acknowledge, is that his films, and those of his contemporaries, paved the way for a cinematic climate that allows us to keep pushing the envelope. We as a generation, as a society, need to open our eyes and see all this flashy, dumbed down, 3-D crap for what it is: a gimmick. Real cinema doesn’t need gimmicks. Real cinema is artists, passionate about their craft, who will never stop expanding the boundaries and challenging not only themselves but their audiences as well.

Filmography

• Eyes Wide Shut
• Full Metal Jacket
• The Shining
• Barry Lyndon
• A Clockwork Orange
• 2001: A Space Odyssey
• Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
• Lolita
• Spartacus
• Paths of Glory
• The Killing

Rope

Director: Alfred Hitchcock
Year: 1948
Cast: James Stewart, John Dall, Farley Granger
It’s no secret that Hitchcock was/is the master of suspense. But with The Birds, Vertigo, and Psycho, the suspense is based on implied violence, terrified actors, and a tense soundtrack. With Rope, the tension is there in spades, but it’s totally based on situational dialog. The mixture of suspense with Dostoevskian/Nietzschian philosophies on justice boggled my innocent little mind. This is why I fell in love with Hitchcock films.
Same Shit, Different Day: Murder By Numbers

Touch of Evil

Director: Orson Welles
Year: 1958
Cast: Orson Welles, Charlton Heston, Janet Leigh
According to my dad, Orson Welles was the Quentin Tarantino of his day. I agree. The guy was a little off, and after Citizen Kane, he did a lot of weird crap (including his War of the Worlds hoax broadcast). But when I watched Touch of Evil, I knew Welles was not fucking around. Once I got over Heston’s bad Mexican accent, and the fact that Orson Welles ate Citizen Kane and his sled, i was more than impressed. From the first long tracking shot that would make Joe Wright feel like a bitch, Welles’ simple yet expert and genius filmmaking allows the characters to be completely and engagingly flushed out. Whether you’re a film buff or not, everyone should see this film.
Same Shit, Different Day: L.A. Confidential, Training Day

Carnival of Souls

Director: Herk Harvey
Year: 1962
Cast: Candace Hilligoss
The problem with old school horror films is that they tend to be…laughable. Especially if it’s black and white, the over acting and archaic special effects are lost on a generation that’s watching ghosts and ghouls in 3-D IMAX. But for open-minded youngsters such as myself, this one was food for thought. We always think that the crazy shit we see in movies is new; that the concepts weren’t even considered forty years ago. When I saw this I realized that, technology aside, so much of what we watch now has already been on screen at some point. The surrealistic cinematography is, at the very least, worthy of David Lynch’s early work. And the ending, while not as interesting, does make Shyamalan look even more unoriginal (I HATE that I can’t spoil a movie from the ‘60’s for you people…stupid conscience).
Same Shit, Different Day: The Sixth Sense, Mulholland Drive

Bunny Lake is Missing

Director: Otto Preminger
Year: 1965
Cast: Laurence Olivier, Carol Lynley, Keir Dullea
When I saw this film, I didn’t know who Preminger was. I wasn’t 100% on who Olivier was either, but I kinda got the feeling it was a departure for him, so I picked it up. Not only was I impressed by his role, but I was struck by the fact that it wasn’t the most impressive part of the film. Granted, a slow, downward spiral of emotion and personal sanity wasn’t pulled off as well in 1965, but the attempt in such an early era for film is commendable. Not many people can be crazy, and still keep up with Olivier’s acting, but Lynley pulled it off. If I didn’t expect the ending in the nineties, I’m willing to bet it made a lot of beatnik heads explode.
Same Shit, Different Day: Session 9, The Machinist

Straw Dogs

Director: Sam Peckinpah
Year: 1971
Cast: Dustin Hoffman, Susan George, Peter Vaughan
I know that this one doesn’t exactly fit with the others. I also know that, as far as Peckinpah films, The Getaway is the standard (at least for Tarantino). But as violent and crazy and McQueen’s epic is, Straw Dogs is much more complex and morally vague to me. He may be a funny old Focker now, but back in the day, Hoffman definitely fit the part of an easy target for bullying. His character goes beyond sympathetic, and you actually pity him the way you pity a three-legged dog. The disconnect with him is so bad in the first half that, in probably the most graphic mainstream cinema rape scene up to that point, there’s a microscopic voice in your head asking if his wife isn’t smiling a little, happy to finally have a real man. This actually makes the crime that much more horrendous. Peckinpah’s style is usually graphic and in-your-face, but this one was so layered and ambiguous, it really stuck with me.
Same Shit, Different Day Panic Room, Irreversible

HONORABLE MENTIONS

• The Getaway (Sam Peckinpah, 1972)
• The Night of the Hunter (Charles Laughton, 1955)
• Strait-Jacket (William Castle, 1964)
• The Trial (Orson Welles, 1962)
• Murder on the Orient Express (Sidney Lumet, 1974)
• The Manchurian Candidate (John Frankenheimer, 1962)
• Laura (Otto Preminger, 1944)
• Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (Robert Aldrich, 1962)
• Panic in the Streets (Elia Kazan, 1950)
• The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (Joseph Sargent, 1974)

Alice in Wonderland - Directed by Tim Burton, Written by Linda Woolverton
If Tim Burton spent the rest of his career warping Disney classics, I would still love the guy. There have been numerous remakes and interpretations, but Burton’s tale of Alice coming back to Wonderland when she’s 19 to stop the Red Queen could only be better if Depp, Carter, and Hathaway were in 3-D. Oh wait… Woolverton is no stranger to Disney (Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, Mulan) and cinematographer Dariusz Wolski (Sweeney Todd, Dark City, The Crow) is a great addition.
Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Mia Wasikowska, Crispin Glover, Anne Hathaway, Stephen Fry, Christopher Lee, Michael Sheen, Alan Rickman
March 5

Brooklyn’s Finest - Directed by Antoine Fuqua, Written by Michael C. Martin
Even though Denzel Washington’s role in Training Day was over-hyped, it was a solid film. Now, Antoine Fuqua is returning with a story about dirty cops and gangsters. Really? That doesn’t sound familiar to anyone? Fuqua proved he isn’t a one trick pony with King Arthur, and the cast in this is impressive. But can Jay Z’s Run This Town really mask the dead horse being beaten?
Richard Gere, Don Cheadle, Ethan Hawke, Wesley Snipes, Vincent D’Onofrio, Will Patton, Ellen Barkin
March 5

Green Zone - Directed by Paul Greengrass, Written by Brian Helgeland
The fact that Greengrass and Damon decided to go off the reservation and make their own “Bourne” type movie doesn’t bother me. Neither does the idea of Greg Kinnear as a bad guy. What does make me pause is writer Brian Helgeland. With titles like L.A. Confidential, Conspiracy Theory, and Man on Fire on his resume, I want to trust him. But with other titles like The Taking of Pelham 123, A Knight’s Tale, and The Postman, I’m a bit more skeptical. All in all, I’m still excited, though.
Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear, Brendan Gleeson, Jason Isaacs, Amy Ryan
March 12

Mother - Directed by Joon-ho Bong, Written by Joon-ho Bong and Eun-kyo Park
I’ve only recently been getting into Korean film. My usual rule was: “If you’re not Chan-wook Park, I don’t watch your movie.” Though a lot of them are subpar, the gems I’ve been able to find are really good. So I’m looking forward to this thriller about a middle-aged woman searching for the man who framed her son for murder. Part drama, part thriller, Asian cinema in general seems to be better at this mix than American cinema. Korea picked it for their Oscar submission, and I can’t afford to order the Blu-Ray from Korea. So I’m looking forward to this release.
Bin Won, Hye-ja Kim, Ku Jin
March 12

The Secret of Kells - Directed by Tomm Moore and Nora Twomey, Written by Tomm Moore and Fabrice Ziolkowski
As upset as I am that this under-marketed film replaced Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs at the Oscars (it should have replaced Coraline), the artwork is pretty cool. The entire movie is done like an old school Celtic sketch. The story is a little muddled and mythically esoteric, but it is a beautifully done movie. If you haven’t seen the leaked copy online yet, you should check this one out.
Brendan Gleeson
March 12

Stolen - Directed by Anders Anderson, Written by Glenn Taranto
It always amazes me when an indie film manages to have nobodies behind the camera, and a bunch of known actors (or at least recognizable faces) in front. Anderson and Taranto haven’t done anything of note; same for the cinematographer and editor. But when Jon Hamm (Mad Men), Josh Lucas (Glory Road) Rhona Mitra (Boston Legal) and James van Der Beek (Varsity Blues) sign on, it piques my interest. About a detective on the case of a murdered boy who is still coping with the disappearance of his own son years earlier.
Josh Lucas, Jon Hamm, Rhona Mitra, James Van Der Beek
March 12

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Directed by Niels Arden Oplev, Written by Nikolaj Arcel and Rasmus Heisterberg
This Swedish film is the first in what looks to be an already-completed trilogy based on the books by Stieg Larsson. This one is about the violent and secretive past of a close knit clan, and a series of murders. Granted, it won’t be Nightwatch, but the preview looks cool enough.
Michael Nyqvist, Noomi Rapace, Lena Endre
March 19

Repo Men - Directed by Miguel Sapochnik, Written by Eric Garcia and Garrett Lerner
For those of you who are still confused: This film has NOTHING to do with Emilio Estevez. At first I was angry about this film, because I thought it was just a remake (or ripoff) of Repo! The Genetic Opera. But apparently, it’s based on the book The Repossession Mambo by Eric Garcia (who also wrote Matchstick Men) which came out around late 2008/early 2009. The plot is pretty straightforward: in the future, technology allows us to buy new manufactured organs. But if someone misses a payment, Repo Men come and take the organ back. I’m still having trouble envisioning Forest Whitaker as an “action star” (Shut up, Ghost Dog does NOT count), but we’ll see. When asked about his thoughts on the the new film, Darren Lynn Bousman refused comment, claiming he wasn’t comfortable discussing it a-melodically.
Jude Law, Liev Schreiber, Forest Whitaker, Alice Braga, RZA
March 19

The Runaways - Written and Directed by Floria Sigismondi
A movie about teenage girl musicians? Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Amanda Bynes, and Ashley Simpson aren’t in it at all? Holy shit, it’s a Christmas miracle! I have to believe the hardest part of making a biopic like this is the casting. Especially these days, when American Idol and High School Musicals 1-47 are making celebrities out of assholes. Sigismondi was a music video director back in the day. so this seems like her wheelhouse. Benoit Debie is also on board as cinematographer (Irreversible, Il cartaio, Day Night Day Night), and even if editor Richard Chew is a square peg (Star Wars, Waiting to Exhale, Shanghai Noon. Yeah, I’m confused too) he’s been around the block. And apparently, besides songs by The Runaways, Sex Pistols, and David Bowie, Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning are flexing the golden pipes for the soundtrack. I hope there’s a deleted scene where The Runaways beat the shit out of Josie and the Pussycats.
Kristen Stewart, Dakota Fanning, Alia Shawkat, Scout Taylor-Compton, Michael Shannon, Tatum O’Neal
March 19

Vincere - Written and Directed by Marco Bellocchio
Marco Bellocchio’s name might sound familiar, but that’s because it rhymes with “Pinocchio”. Racist. Seriously, though, his film career has been an interesting one. As an auteur and supporter of the Radical Italian Party, his tendency towards sexually charged dramas (Devil in the Flesh, The Conviction) and his affinity for religious/political films (Good Morning, Night, My Mother’s Smile) appear to have become entangled with his new project. It is about Benito Mussolini’s first wife/mistress, who fell in love with him and financed his first newspaper, only to find herself ignored and mistreated during his rise to Fascist power. Definitely look into this one.
Giovanna Mezzogiorno, Filippo Timi
March 19

Ca$h - Written and Directed by Stephen Milburn Anderson
Anderson’s only done three movies to date. One of them was South Central (OG Bobby Johnson!!!!). This one seems poorly written, right down to the character names. That being said, Hemsworth has had a good couple years, and any film Sean Bean signs on for (at least those concerning British criminals) is entertaining if nothing else. This leaked a few weeks ago, and I haven’t jumped on it yet, but consider me curious.
Sean Bean, Chris Hemsworth, Victoria Profeta
March 26

Chloe - Directed by Atom Egoyan, Written by Erin Cressida Wilson
If you’re going to remake an Anne Fontaine (Coco Before Chanel, The Girl From Monaco) film, who better to get involved with than Atom Egoyan? (Adoration, Where the Truth Lies) Moore, Neeson, and Seyfried might not be your fantasy threesome, but as far as acting talent and overall appeal, I gotta say it’s a respectable trio. Seyfried’s career has exploded in the last couple years, and she really looks creepy here. Remake of Nathalie, about a prostitute hired to seduce a husband, but then she goes all Glenn Close on everyone.
Julianne Moore, Liam Neeson, Amanda Seyfried
March 26

The Eclipse - Written and Directed by Conor McPherson
Conor McPherson’s resume is pretty short still. However, when you see the list of actors he’s worked with (Brendan Gleeson, Brian Cox, Michael Caine, Michael Gambon…) it’s interesting if not respectable. Now he can add Ciaran Hinds, who plays a widower falling for a horror novelist while dealing with the appearance of his dead wife’s ghost. More drama than horror here, but that’s usually a good thing.
Ciaran Hinds, Iben Hjejle, Aidan Quinn
March 26

Greenberg - Directed by Noah Baumbach, Written by Noah Baumbach and Jennifer Jason Leigh
Damn you Noah Baumbach. I had a good thing going: allowing myself to be entertained by Ben Stiller’s films, yet silently, passively loathing him for bullshit like Zoolander. And Dodgeball. And Starsky and Hutch. And The Heartbreak Kid. But now it looks like you’ve made a movie that’ll force me to recall his roles in Permanent Midnight, Zero Effect, and Reality Bites. Just because you made The Squid and the Whale, you think you can throw Stiller in with Mumblecore royalty like Mark Duplass (The Puffy Chair, Humpday) and Greta Gerwig (Baghead, Hannah Takes the Stairs) and I’ll watch it? You win again, Baumbach.
Ben Stiller, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Rhys Ifans, Chris Messina, Mark Duplass, Greta Gerwig
March 26

Hot Tub Time Machine - Directed by Steve Pink, Written by Josh Heald and Sean Anders
I know, I know, this looks pretty cheesy. For one thing, you probably only recognize two names in the cast. John Cusack’s career has been a tad rocky in recent years, and I’m pretty sure Chevy Chase has joined Bob Saget in the “I suck dick for crack” section of Hollywood yesteryear. Most of you probably also missed Steve Pink’s last film Accepted (which was pretty damn funny). But if you watch the preview, you can’t tell me every one of these actors hasn’t made you laugh in one film or another. And really, who wouldn’t want to jump in a hot tub and travel back to the ‘80’s?? If for no other reason than to kill Lloyd Dobler for ruining all our lives.
John Cusack, Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, Crispin Glover, Chevy Chase
March 26

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN

The Horseman - Written and Directed by Steven Kastrissios
Foreign films are kind of like foreign orphans. sure, everyone wants to adopt one, but few of us really do. Brangelina has the monopoly on brown babies, and Quentin Tarantino has it on Asian film. Most foreign films are not so lucky, which is why this violent revenge tale about a grieving father wreaking havoc in the Australian outback is going straight to DVD tomorrow after wowing critics and audiences down under. I’m not asking you to send Mogwai to Oxford, dude. I’m just asking you to go to Blockbuster.
Peter Marshall, Caroline Marohasy, Brad McMurray
March 1 (DVD)

Father of My Children - Written and Directed by Mia Hansen-Love
More proof I have wasted my life. Mia Hansen-Love has only made three films, one of them a short. But she made her first one when she was 23-years-old. This is why I’m so surprised that, at age 29, she’s managed to craft a film so beyond her years both technically and emotionally. This film is about a French film producer who gets into financial trouble and becomes suicidal. Even the preview looks patient and poignant. I need to get on the ball.
Louis-Do de Lencquesaing, Chiara Caselli
March 5 (UK)

City Island - Written and Directed by Raymond De Felitta
I’ve been seeing this film around the interwebs so long I thought it was already out. It is available, but if my facts are straight it’s finally getting released in select cities this month. Felitta hasn’t done much, but one look at the cast and I’m confident this comedy about deceitful family members is worth a look-see.
Andy Garcia, Alan Arkin, Juliana Margulies, Emily Mortimer, Dominik Garcia-Lorido
March 19 (New York and LA)

The Killing Jar - Written and Directed by Mark Young
Michael Madsen is a G. Seriously, go look at IMDB. The man has done 162 projects (including his own short-lived TV show) in less than 30 years. And he has 29 listed as “in production”. Sure, 21 of those are listed as having 2010 release dates, but that’s not the point. The man loves acting, and though he’s one of the most recognizable faces in cinema (second only perhaps to Danny Trejo) he chooses projects he enjoys, not the ones that’ll make him the most money. Sure this story about a madman holding a diner full of people hostage doesn’t sound original. And sure it’s going straight to DVD. But with Harold Perrineau (Lost, Felon), Trejo (every movie ever made) and Jake Busey (Starship Troopers), you can’t hate on it.
Michael Madsen, Harold Perrineau, Amber Benson, Danny Trejo, Jake Busey
March 19 (DVD)

The City of Your Final Destination - Directed by James Ivory, Written by Ruth Prawer Jhabvala
If this one totally snuck by you, don’t feel bad. It almost got past me too. It’s about a college student who receives a grant to write a biography on a Spanish author. Might sound boring, but I refuse to believe that anything with Hopkins, Linney and Gainsbourg will be less than great. Also, director James Ivory is approaching his final destination (he’s seriously 82), and after a damn good list under his belt (Howard’s End, A Room with a View, The Remains of the Day) this should be another good addition. Limited March 30 release.
Anthony Hopkins, Laura Linney, Charlotte Gainsbourg
March 30 (Limited)

If you’re anything like us, one of the first things you did when you woke up Tuesday morning was check out the announcement of the 2010 Academy Award nominations. And if you’re really like us, you were a bit disappointed with the list.

We’ve known for a while that the Academy planned to nominate ten films for best picture this year instead of the usual five. Unfortunately, this was a really, really weak year for mainstream film. Out of the ten, we consider six to be immediate throw-aways (Avatar, An Education, Precious, The Blind Side, A Serious Man, Up), leaving only four solid contenders (Up in the Air, Inglourious Basterds, The Hurt Locker, District 9).

Acting has also seen better years. The nominees this year include low points like Morgan Freeman (Best Actor) and Matt Damon (Best Supporting) in Invictus (both played themselves with African accents), Sandra Bullock (Best Actress) in The Blind Side (the chick from Miss Congeniality and The Net? Really???), and Stanley Tucci (Best Supporting) in The Lovely Bones (great actor, not his best role or film).

High notes include Jeff Bridges and Woody Harrelson finally getting some much overdue love (Best Actor, Crazy Heart and Best Supporting, The Messenger respectively), Carey Mulligan (Best Actress) for her breakthrough role in An Education, and Christoph Waltz (Best Supporting, Inglourious Basterds) and Mo’Nique (Best Supporting, Precious) as our only two real locks this year.

In one of the biggest travesties since LOTR: Return of the King, Avatar has beennominated for NINE f-ing awards (Best Picture, Director, Original Score, Original Screenplay, Art Direction, Cinematography, Editing, Sound Editing, Sound Mixing, and Visual Effects). As entertaining and visually awe-inspiring as it was, there was nothing at all original about the score or the screenplay, and putting it up against Tarantino and Reitman is just insulting.

We still have a few major films to watch, as well as a lot of foreign, documentary, and short nominees. Expect to see our official preview, along with our personal Oscar ballots, in a few weeks. Until then, to see the full list of nominees click here.

Finally. It’s over. The 2000s. The 00s. The aughts. Whatever the fuck you want to call it. We’re done. And with the close of the decade, comes the obligatory nostalgic look back. And while we’ve suffered through a lot of bullshit these past ten years, there is also much to be appreciated—especially when it comes to film.

When we sat down to compile the best of the aughts, our initial list was almost 300 strong. We were blown away by the sheer number of dope movies that had come out.

This decade: We were introduced to Rian Johnson and Jason Reitman. Danny Boyle got the props we’ve been saying he deserved for years. Christopher Nolan gave us a superhero movie that didn’t suck. Charlie Kaufman decided to actually direct one of his screenplays. The Oscars officially became a joke. And sexy gypsy was born.

A lot of coffee, cigarettes and Wes Andersen bashing went into making this list. But we’re happy with the way it turned out. Don’t expect to see dumb shit like The Lord of The Rings or Dream Girls here. Instead you’ll see films from The Coen Brothers, Jim Jarmusch and Takashi Miike. The few honorable mentions that didn’t quite make the cut are at the bottom of the post.

Anyway, without any further rambling, here it is. sexy gypsy’s Best of the Aughts…

(in alphabetical order)

1) Almost Famous (Cameron Crowe, 2000)

I was 15 years old when Almost Famous dropped and changed my life. It was the first time I realized people would pay you to run around, listen to music and talk about it. So in a way, sexy gypsy wouldn’t even be here without this movie. It featured a great cast—Patrick Fugit (who shows up twice on this list), Zooey Deschanel, Anna Paquin, Frances McDormand aka Willem Dafoe (seriously, look that shit up. They look exactly alike. We still maintain they are the same person), Jason Lee, Philip Seymour Hoffman and even Jimmy Fallon. Add that to an immensely personal Cameron Crowe script, perfect music, and Billy Crudup screaming “I AM A GOLDEN GOD!” from atop a roof, and you have one damn fine film. —BIG

2) American Gangster (Ridley Scott, 2008)

3) American Psycho (Mary Harron, 2000)

4) Anchorman (Adam McKay, 2004)

5) Antichrist (Lars von Trier, 2009)

6) Audition (Takashi Miike, 2001)

7) Away We Go (Sam Mendes, 2009)

The Boondock Saints (Troy Duffy, 2000)

9) Brick (Rian Johnson, 2005)

10) The Brothers Bloom (Rian Johnson, 2009)

Last year, Rian Johnson’s Brick showed up on a sexy gypsy list of off-the-radar films, and we basically called it a one hit wonder. We officially apologize to Mr. Johnson. The Brothers Bloom, while very different from Brick, showed a matured sense of direction and style, with the same tone of homage and innovation, and a playful sense of humor. As an elaborate, yet completely character-driven con film, this is moviemaking at it’s finest. —GWG

11) Broken Flowers (Jim Jarmusch, 2005)

12) Children of Men (Alfonso Cuaron, 2006)

13) Choke (Clark Gregg, 2008)

14) The Chumscrubber (Arie Posin, 2005)

Teenage suicide is never a good thing. Unless it brings about the complete destruction of idyllic white suburbia. What’s interesting about this film is that it doesn’t show you underlying problems around the neighborhood, and then culminate with a death. The suicide happens at the beginning, and instead of being the breaking point, or even the catalyst, it is the loose thread that unravels everyone’s secrets and facades. It is beautifully written and acted, with a multi-generational, eclectic cast that actually fits very well together. —GWG

15) City of God (Fernando Meirelles, Katia Lund, 2002)

16) Coffee and Cigarettes (Jim Jarmusch, 2003)

17) Collateral (Michael Mann, 2004)

18) Crash (Paul Haggis, 2005)

19) Criminal (Gregory Jacobs, 2004)

20) The Dark Knight (Christopher Nolan, 2008)

21) The Departed (Martin Scorcese, 2006)

The Departed is the only film on this list I had to fight for. The Great White Gypsy hated it. But he’s crazy, so I had to veto. Granted, I am a confessed Scorsese groupie. The man has never made a film I didn’t love. And I’ve seen them all. Even the obscure ones like Boxcar Bertha. So maybe I was a little biased with this pick. But to me, anytime you can put Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg and Leonardo DiCaprio in the same movie and not make people want stab themselves in the eye, it’s a fucking win. Bonus points for having Nas and Flogging Molly on the same soundtrack. —BIG

22) The Devil’s Rejects (Rob Zombie, 2005)

Admittedly, Rob Zombie’s first venture, House of 1000 Corpses, was retarded. However, with a little less Horror rip-off, and a lot more disturbing violence, the sequel was a cult classic opening weekend. Zombie knows how to work a camera, but this film is probably the pinnacle of his work with the soundtrack. It starts with The Allman Brothers’ Midnight Rider, swells with a violent sequence to the tune of Terry Reid’s To Be Treated Right, and finishes with the best use of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Free Bird to date. All of this is driven home by a sobering message: There is no ice cream in your fucking future. —GWG

23) District 9 (Neill Blomkamp, 2009)

24) Donnie Darko (Richard Kelly, 2001)

25) The Dreamers (Bernardo Bertolucci, 2003)

26) Eastern Promises (David Cronenberg, 2007)

27) Equilibrium (Kurt Wimmer, 2002)

28) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Michel Gondry, 2004)

29) The Fall (Tarsem Singh, 2008)

This is one of the most beautiful films I’ve ever seen. Tarsem Singh makes a huge leap up from his very respectable 2000 debut, The Cell, and tells us an engaging story in ways never before seen. In a time of crazy, overdone CGI and generic plot, The Fall was refreshingly organic. Great acting, directing, cinematography, and everything in between. —BIG

30) (500) Days of Summer (Marc Webb, 2009)

31) Garden State (Zach Braff, 2004)

32) Ghost World (Terry Zwigoff, 2001)

33) Gladiator (Ridley Scott, 2000)

34) Half Nelson (Ryan Fleck, 2006)

35) The Hangover (Todd Phillips, 2009)

36) Havoc (Barbara Kopple, 2005)

37) High Fidelity (Stephen Frears, 2000)

Like Almost Famous, High Fidelity was one of those life defining movies for me. He owned a record store, argued about top five lists with his friends, organized his music collection autobiographically and pined over beautiful women. That was his whole life. How awesome is that? Almost Famous made me realize I could write about music, High Fidelity made me realize I wasn’t alone in obsessing over it. —BIG

HIGH FIDELITY BONUS: TOP 5 SONGS TO PLAY AT MY FUNERAL:

1) Paint It Black - The Rolling Stones

2) Ready To Die - The Notorious BIG

3) Bullet With Butterfly Wings - The Smashing Pumpkins

4) Funeral - The Clipse

5) Angel’s Son - Snot featuring Lajon Witherspoon from Sevendust

38) High Tension (Alexandre Aja, 2005)

39) Humpday (Lynn Shelton, 2009)

One of the things I will always remember about this decade is my discovery of Mumblecore. I started with The Puffy Chair and soon devoured films like Baghead, Mutual Appreciation and Funny Ha Ha. Though not always the best executed films, the genre intrigued me. And with the success of people like Lynn Shelton and Mark Duplass, I hope more people discover it. Humpday is an experience. You’re in the room, a silent observer—not just someone watching a film. Effortlessly hilarious and purposefully awkward, it is one of my favorite films of this year and definitely deserves a spot on the list. —BIG

40) The Hurt Locker (Katherine Bigelow, 2009)

41) Ichi the Killer (Takashi Miike, 2003)

42) Imaginary Heroes (Dan Harris, 2004)

43) In Bruges (Martin McDonagh, 2008)

44) In Search of a Midnight Kiss (Alex Holdridge, 2007)

45) Inglourious Basterds (Quentin Tarantino, 2009)

46) Jarhead (Sam Mendes, 2005)

47) Juno (Jason Reitman, 2007)

48) Kill Bill Vol 1 & 2 (Quentin Tarantino, 2003, 2004)

49) Kingdom of Heaven (Ridley Scott, 2005)

50) Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (Shane Black, 2005)

“You look up the ‘idiot’ in the dictionary, know what you’ll find?”

“A picture of me?”

“No, the definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!!”

This film never gets old. Raymond Chandler meets Abbott and Costello. The mystery itself isn’t anything amazingly unique, but it’s entertaining and solid enough to hold up a great cast, one of the best narrations ever, and almost as many quotable quotes as Anchorman.

“Talking money…”

“A Talking monkey?”

“Talking monkey, yeah, yeah. Came here from the future. Ugly sucker, only says ficus.”

—GWG

51) Knocked Up (Judd Apatow, 2007)

52) Let the Right One In (Tomas Alfredson, 2008)

53) Little Children (Todd Field, 2006)

54) Little Miss Sunshine (Jonathan Dayton, Valerie Faris, 2006)

55) Lost in Translation (Sofia Coppola, 2003)

56) Love Actually (Richard Curtis, 2003)

57) The Machinist (Brad Anderson, 2004)

58) Maria Full of Grace (Joshua Marston, 2004)

59) Memento (Christopher Nolan, 2000)

60) Milk (Gus van Sant, 2008)

61) Monsoon Wedding (Mira Nair, 2002)

62) Mulholland Drive (David Lynch, 2001)

63) 9 Songs (Michael Winterbottom, 2005)

A lot of people are quick to dismiss this film as unnecessarily explicit, self-indulgent, (not so) thinly veiled pornography. I couldn’t disagree more. Michael Winterbottom is a masterful storyteller, communicating an entire relationship with minimum dialogue and nine amazing songs. It’s an ambitious concept that in less capable hands would have failed miserably. But Winterbottom executes it perfectly. It’s on Netflix Watch Instantly right now. So if you haven’t seen it, do so now. —BIG

64) No Country for Old Men (The Coen Brothers, 2008)

65) O Brother Where Art Thou (The Coen Brothers, 2000)

66) Oldboy (Chan-wook Park, 2003)

The second film in Chan-wook Park’s Revenge Trilogy (Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, Sympathy for Lady Vengeance), Oldboy features some original camerawork, really cool fight scenes, and an emotional yet disturbing story that would make David Fincher blush. The hallway fight, done in one continuous shot, is a staple of discussion. But there are so many great scenes, so many impressive technical aspects and character moments, that it definitely warrants multiple viewings. We did want to include the entire trilogy on the list, as there is a noticeable arc and underlying theme across all three films. However, they are all separate, unrelated stories, and Oldboy stands out as the strongest link. —GWG

67) Pan’s Labyrinth (Guillermo del Toro, 2006)

68) Purple Violets (Edward Burns, 2007)

69) Rachel Getting Married (Jonathan Demme, 2008)

70) Requiem for a Dream (Darren Aronofsky, 2000)

71) Revolutionary Road (Sam Mendes, 2008)

72) The Road to Perdition (Sam Mendes, 2002)

73) The Salton Sea (D.J. Caruso, 2002)

74) Saw (James Wan, 2004)

75) A Scanner Darkly (Richard Linklater, 2006)

76) Shaun of the Dead (Edgar Wright, 2004)

77) Shopgirl (Anand Tucker, 2005)

78) Sin City (Robert Rodriguez, Frank Miller, 2005)

79) Slumdog Millionaire (Danny Boyle, 2008)

80) Snatch (Guy Ritchie, 2000)

81) The Squid and the Whale (Noah Baumbach, 2005)

82) State and Main (David Mamet, 2000)

83) Sukiyaki Western Django (Takashi Miike, 2008)

What do you get when you mix Yojimbo, Django, and A Fistfull of Dollars? Actually, if you’re anyone but Takashi Miike, your head might explode. Lucky for us, the Japanese maestro of bloodshed helmed this crazy, entertaining, violent film about…Japanese cowboys? In Miike’s first American project, he decides to have Asian actors speaking John Wayne-style English while carrying six shooters and katanas. Oh yeah, and Tarantino has a couple cameos. Fucking great. —GWG

84) Surveillance (Jennifer Lynch, 2009)

85) Synecdoche, New York (Charlie Kaufman, 2008)

86) There Will Be Blood (Paul Thomas Anderson, 2007)

87) Thirteen (Catherine Hardwicke, 2003)

In 2003, a pre-Twilight Catherine Hardwicke gave us a film that would alter the existence of little sisters forever. I saw Thirteen and wanted nothing more than to lock my sister in a closet until she was 20. That was the only conceivable way to save her from the unbearable plight of the teenage American girl. Most of the credit for this film goes to Nikki Reed, who was 15 when she wrote it. Thirteen is an exceptionally honest and powerful directorial debut from a director that proved to be a one hit wonder. —BIG

88) 28 Days Later (Danny Boyle, 2003)

Not many zombie movies offer much more than cheap thrills and bloody carnage. We’ll be honest, that’s why we love them. With Danny Boyle’s version, though, every aspect of the film is striking. The character development, the landscape, the music, and the balls-to-the-wall tension throughout make this film stand an infected, disembodied head above the rest in the genre. —GWG

89) 25th Hour (Spike Lee, 2002)

90) The United States of Leland (Matthew Ryan Hoge, 2003)

This film makes us miss the early 2000’s, when all-star casts could still deliver a patient, tempered, emotional film. As a whole, this movie exhibits the same complex subtleties as its main character, a simple-minded teenager accused of murder. Themes of perspective, miscommunication, self-examination and accountability underline interesting cinematography and a beautiful story. —GWG

91) The Wackness (Jonathan Levine, 2008)

92) The Way of the Gun (Christopher McQuarrie, 2000)

93) Wicker Park (Paul McGuigan, 2004)

94) The Wrestler (Darren Aronofsky, 2008)

95) Wristcutters: A Love Story (Goran Dukic, 2006)

96) Zack and Miri Make a Porno (Kevin Smith, 2008)

Honorable Mentions

Infernal Affairs (Wai-keung Lau, Alan Mak, 2002)

Though infinitely better than The Departed, this film had it’s share of problems, and spawned two unnecessary sequels.

Avatar (James Cameron, 2009)

The story may have been borrowed, and the score unoriginal, but the visuals in this film (as well as the 3-D effects) will revolutionize cinema as we know it.

Life as a House (Irwin Winkler, 2001)

An amazing character study that develops well, with solid acting and a decent soundtrack. The downside: Hayden Christiansen

Irreversible (Gaspar Noe, 2002)

Very similar to Memento, this reverse film is well acted and directed, but without the intense, realistic, extremely long rape sequence, it might not have as much effect.

The Anniversary Party (Alan Cumming, Jennifer Jason Leigh, 2001)

Very well written and acted, even John C. Reilly tones it down a bit. Possibly a tad self indulgent, but the ecstasy scene is great.

Spartan (David Mamet, 2004)

Mamet’s esoteric uber-realism that doesn’t bother explaining itself to the ordinary viewer is the best and worst part of this film. It never stops moving, and maintains it’s staying power, it just doesn’t wait for anyone to catch up.

Layer Cake (Matthew Vaughn, 2004)

Great soundtrack, great acting, great story. Decent dialog, cinematography, cutting this one was hard, but just couldn’t stand up to some of the competition.

Thank You for Smoking (Jason Reitman, 2005)

Jason Reitman can do no wrong. Possibly Eckhart’s best performance. Another tough choice, but Juno kinda kicked it in the pork sword.

Hard Candy (David Slade, 2005)

Few movies can make me cringe. 15-year-old Ellen Page threatening to castrate Patrick Wilson? Really, really uncool. Great acting and writing, but a bit limited in it’s scope.

Renaissance (Christian Volckman, 2006)

Black and white motion capture animation set in Paris, 2054. The story’s a little muddled at times, but it’s just frickin cool to watch cartoon Daniel Craig shoot people in the face.

The Box – Written and Directed by Richard Kelly
The premise of this film sounds like a bad teenage horror story. A strange man gives a box to a couple having money problems. They will get money every time they push the button, but every time, someone they don’t know will die. Though it’s riding on Cameron Diaz’s acting skills (um…), if anyone can make it cool, writer/director Richard Kelly (Donnie Darko, Southland Tales) will have no problem.
Cameron Diaz, James Marsden, Frank Langella, James Rebhorn
November 6

Endgame – Directed by Pete Travis, Written by Paula Milne
Another slow, patient South African political film? Meh. I mean, I really like Hurt and Ejiofor, but Pete Travis directed Vantage Point, which sucked asshole. I really, really want it to be good, I’m just scared it’s going to be really, really bad.
William Hurt, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Johnny Lee Miller, Mark Strong, Derek Jacobi
November 6

The Men Who Stare at Goats – Directed by Grant Heslov, Written by Peter Straughan
Actor Grant Heslov hasn’t done much directing. Same goes for Peter Straughan and writing. But if you look at this cast, you really can’t go wrong in a story about Telekenisis/Psychic programs in the army. Hell yes.
George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Jeff Bridges, Kevin Spacey, Robert Patrick, Stephen Root
November 6

Precious – Directed by Lee Daniels, Written by Geoffrey Fletcher
I hate the fact that the full title of this film is “Precious: Based on a novel by Sapphire”. I also hate the fact that Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey are “presenting” this one. However, cliché and cheesy as it most likely is, I seriously almost cried watching the preview. This has the potential for two hours of raw emotion that leaves you speechless. Or two hours of horrible acting and bullshit storyline. I’ll wait for cable.
Gabourey Sidibe, Paula Patton, Mariah Carey, Lenny Kravitz
November 6

The Fantastic Mr. Fox – Written and Directed by Wes Anderson
I hate, I hate, I hate Wes Anderson. However, there are always a couple elements of his films that impress me, and his attempts at stop motion animation intrigue me. Will I like it? Probably not. Will I see it? Of course.
George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Bill Murray, Jason Schwartzman, Willem Dafoe, Owen Wilson, Michael Gambon
November 13

Pirate Radio – Written and Directed by Richard Curtis
When I saw the preview for this, I thought, “Hey, that looks exactly like that movie advertised last year called “The Boat that Rocked”. Wait… I have no idea why this film took so long to release, or why they changed the title, but after waiting so long, I’ve built it up to possible “Almost Famous” level in my head. I really hope I’m not disappointed.  About a boatful of radio DJ’s who broadcast banned music over British airwaves in the ‘60’s. Curtis directed Love Actually.
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Nighy, Rhys Ifans, Emma Thompson, Kenneth Branagh, Nick Frost
November 13

The Messenger – Written and Directed by Oren Moverman
Foster and Harrelson play a very overlooked part of the military in this new drama about the officers who deliver the horrible news to KIA soldiers’ families. Foster starts to care too much…you see where this is going. Moverman’s first film, looks good.
Ben Foster, Woody Harrelson, Samantha Morton, Jena Malone
November 13

2012 – Directed by Roland Emmerich, Written by Roland Emmerich and Harald Kloser
When I want to see an action packed explosion film with weak story, I’ll catch the new Michael Bay flick. When I want to see a really entertaining film with great special effects that will leave me dumber for having watched it, I’ll go see a Roland Emmerich film (Independence Day, Stargate, Godzilla, 10,000 BC). If you don’t know what this film is about, you should probably look into it, cause we’re kinda running out of time, dude…
John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Thandie Newton, Woody Harrelson, Danny Glover, Oliver Platt
November 13

That Evening Sun – Written and Directed by Scot Teems
I think Clint Eastwood had a scheduling conflict playing a grumpy old man in Gran Turino, so Holbrook stepped in. This is a perfect example of a cookie-cutter Midwest drama starring a senior citizen afraid of change that might not be very good, but will definitely get nominated for at least 2 Oscars. Don’t get me wrong, Hal is great, but the story has the potential to be full of holes.
Hal Holbrook, Ray McKinnon, Mia Wasikowska, Carrie Preston
November 13

Uncertainty – Written and Directed by Scott McGehee and David Siegel
At the risk of sounding like a douchebag, I am very uncertain about this movie. Part romantic comedy, part drama, part action thriller? So confused. McGehee and Siegel have written and directed three other films together, and I’ve never heard of any of them. But Gordon-Levitt hasn’t let me down so far, and Thirlby and Collins are sexy. I’ll flip a coin.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Lynn Collins, Olivia Thirlby
November 13

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans – Directed by Werner Herzog, Written by William M. Finkelstein
Controverial old-school director Werner Herzog (Encounters at the End of the World, Grizzly Man) is remaking the 1992 drama (starring Harvey Keitel) about a gambling/drug addict cop, and he’s setting it in post-Katrina New Orleans. They say it’s Cage’s best performance since Leaving Las Vegas (not really hard), and Kilmer’s presence is reassuring. Looking forward to it.
Nicholas Cage, Val Kilmer, Eva Mendes, Michael Shannon, Fairuza Balk, Xzibit, Shawn Hatosy
November 20

Chi Bi (Red Cliff) – Directed by John Woo, Written by John Woo and Khan Chan
This is an epic film in the style of Hero and House of Flying Daggers. John Woo started out with some good films (A Better Tomorrow, Killer, Hard Boiled), he even had some good American movies (Hard Target, Face/Off), though there were bullshit ones too (Windtalkers, Paycheck). However, his dramas, like Last Hurrah for Chivalry, have gone largerly unnoticed by American audiences. And, of course, it’s been out in China for two years, and we’re just getting it now. Tarantino needs to step his game up.
Tony Leung, Takeshi Kaneshiro, Wei Zhao
November 20

Fix – Directed by Tao Ruspoli, Written by Charles Castaldi and Paul Duran
Documentary filmmaker Ruspoli blends styles in this fictional documentary about a convicted drug dealer and his friends, who are attempting to raise enough money to put him in rehab before 8pm so he can avoid jail time. I can already tell that Andrews’ over-the-top personality is going to steal the show, and Wilde is kinda cute. When’s it coming to Netflix?
Olivia Wilde, Tao Ruspoli, Dedee Pfeiffer, Shawn Andrews
November 20

The Missing Person – Written and Directed by Noah Buschel
Modern noir about a private detective (Shannon in a lead role…nice) searching for a missing person after 9/11. Elements of drama and comedy make it appear a little disjointed, but Shannon and Ryan are solid. Kinda surprised it didn’t go straight to DVD, but whatever.
Michael Shannon, Amy Ryan, Frank Wood
November 20

Me and Orson Welles – Directed by Richard Linklater, Written by Holly Gent Palmo
I can’t see Efron’s name on anything without thinking Highschool Musical, which makes me want to punch everyone under the age of 17 in the eye. However, this film is a little more dramatic, a lot less musical, and Christian McKay looks like the best Orson Welles since D’onofrio in Ed Wood. And if that still doesn’t convince you to see this period film about Welles directing stage plays, I have three words for you: Richard motherfucking Linklater (Scanner Darkly, Waking Life, Dazed and Confused). There you go.
Zac Efron, Claire Danes, Christian McKay, Ben Chaplin
November 25

Ninja Assassin – Directed by James McTeigue, Written by Matthew Sand and J. Michael Straczynski
The directors of The Matrix are producing this balls-to-the-wall violence-fest about…are you ready? A Ninja Assassin. Crazy right? Just think blades, bullets, blood, and nonstop special effects. I can’t freaking wait.
Sung Kang
November 25

The Road – Directed by John Hillcoat, Written by Joe Penhall
I must admit, I didn’t care for Cormac McCarthy’s award winning novel. The fact that writer and director are inexperienced worries me. Whether the acting, cinematography and effects can save it or not, the story makes me think no one will like this no matter what.
Viggo Mortensen, Charlize Theron, Robert Duvall, Guy Pearce, Garret Dillahunt
November 25

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN

Metropia – Directed by Tarik Saleh, Written by Fredrik Edin
Anything with Vincent Gallo attatched generally gets my attention (Buffalo 66 was fucking weird). In this animated social commentary, Gallo’s character goes nuts when he starts hearing voices in the expansive underground tunnels Europe was forced to build after gas prices went too high. The animation looks pretty damn cool, so we’ll see.
Vincent Gallo, Udo Kier, Juliette Lewis, Stellan Skarsgard, Alexander Skarsgard
November 6 (Sweden)

Harry Brown – Directed by Daniel Barber, Written by Gary Young
Michael Caine hasn’t really been a badass since Get Carter, but this one may change that. Granted, it’s another cranky old man pissed off at street hooligans, but they did kill his friend…and he is ex-military. Comes out in the UK this month, possible limited releases in US. Michael Caine, Emily Mortimer, Iain Glen
November 11 (UK)

Los abrazos rotos (Broken Embraces) – Written and Directed by Pedro Almodovar
Almodovar is huge in Spain, and the last time he teamed with Cruz was Volver, which was damn good. This film is about a writer/director telling a young man the story of why he changed his name after an accident took the life of his true love 14 years prior. Limited release this month, but expect it to be everywhere in time for the Oscars.
Penelope Cruz, Lluis Homar
November 20 (Limited)

Mammoth – Written and Directed by Lukas Moodysson
Husband and wife with a “perfect” life are put to the test when he takes a business trip to Thailand and decides to let loose a little. It looks very similar to parts of Babel, but more focused. Bernal and Williams have grown on me the last couple years, and Moodysson has done good work in Sweden.
Michelle Williams, Gael Garcia Bernal
November 20 (Limited)

PART ONE

ONCE UPON A TIME…IN TARANTINO-OCCUPIED AMERICA

Expectations are a funny thing. When The Departed first came out, my friend saw it before me, and gave it an “A+”, which he never does. He really wanted to see it again, and wanted me to go along. I had been looking forward to it for months, and I trusted his judgment and taste. I hated The Departed.

A Perfect Getaway – Written and Directed by David Twohy
Zahn and Jovovich are honeymooning in Hawaii, backpacking to a secluded beach. They come across several other couples talking about a murder, and things get crazy. Twohy directed The Arrival, Pitch Black, and The Chronicles of Riddick, so you can bet it will be entertaining if nothing else. And I’ve heard the plot twist is pretty tight.
Milla Jovovich, Steve Zahn, Chris Hemsworth, Timothy Olyphant, Marley Shelton
August 7

Cold Souls – Written and Directed by Sophie Barthes
Paul Giamatti actually plays himself in this metaphysical, cultural commentary where people’s souls are commodities that can be bought and sold. Looks deep, could be my favorite one since Eternal Sunshine, but that’s a huge expectation for a rookie director.
Paul Giamatti, Emily Watson, David Strathairn, Lauren Ambrose
August 7

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra – Directed by Stephen Sommers, Written by Stuart Beattie and David Elliot
Van Helsing was so bad, the only thing Sommers has directed since is the Mummy amusement park ride. Big names and bigger budgets have failed in the past to adapt videogames and old TV shows very well, but Stuart Beattie (Collateral, 30 Days of Night, Australia) and David Elliot (The Watcher, Four Brothers) are pretty good writers, and the cast does look interesting. This summer has sucked for movies so far, but I still have hope for Joe.
Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Christopher Eccleston, Jonathan Pryce, Sienna Miller, Arnold Vosloo
August 7

I Sell the Dead – Written and Directed by Glenn McQuaid
A Grave robber confesses his sins to a priest…and for some reason there are zombies. IFC does weird stuff sometimes (almost always involving Ron Perlman), but for the most part I’m a fan. McQuaid’s first feature.
Ron Perlman, Dominic Monaghan
August 7

Paper Heart – Directed by Nicholas Jasenovec, Written by Charlyne Yi and Nicholas Jasenovec
A movie about the filming of a documentary? I’ve never seen that. Ok, I have, but never with Seth Rogen and Michael Cera. It looks simple, funny, heartfelt, low budget; what else could you ask for?
Charlyne Yi, Michael Cera, Seth Rogen, Demetri Martin, Paul Rust
August 7

District 9 – Directed by Neill Blomkamp, Written by Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell
You’ve seen those random posters at bus stops all over? “No Humans Allowed”. Well, those are the obscure posters for this “documentary” about an alien race that stumbles upon Earth, and is put into camps and ghettos. It’s like Michael Moore’s very own Cloverfield, but even I have to admit the story sounds intriguing. And, though the writer and director are new, Peter Jackson’s presenting, so I’m assuming he at least watched it.
Nathalie Boltt, William Allen Young
August 14

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard – Directed by Neal Brennan, Written by Andy Stock and Rick Stempson
If Ari from Entourage got fired, divorced, and became a used car dealer, this would be his spin-off movie. However, Jeremy Piven is undeniably awesome, and recognizable faces like Ving Rhames and Ken Jeong will probably outweigh virgin writers and a director from Chappelle’s Show.
Jeremy Piven, Ving Rhames, Ken Jeong, James Brolin
August 14

Spread – Directed by David Mackenzie, Written by Jason Dean Hall
Could it be? Has Ashton Kutcher actually grown up? Granted, The Butterfly Effect was damn cool, but this looks like a positive departure for him. The story of a guy who makes it big in L.A., then falls for a girl who pulls all his own game on him has been done before, but I like the style of this one. Mackenzie’s done some weird stuff, but I’ll give it a chance.
Ashton Kutcher, Anne Heche, Margarita Levieva
August 14

The Time Traveler’s Wife – Directed by Robert Schwentke, Written by Bruce Joel Rubin
Somewhere between The Fountain (minus the great director) and The Lake House (minus the bad actors) lies this adaptation of Audrey Niffenegger’s popular novel. Bana’s no Ryan Gosling, but he and McAdams look like they have some good chemistry. I’m not saying it’ll be great, but as far as chick flicks, this might be one of the less painful ones this year.
Rachel McAdams, Eric Bana, Ron Livingston
August 14

Five Minutes of Heaven – Directed by Oliver Hirschbiegel, Written by Guy Hibbert
An IRA gunman murders a UVF member in front of his little brother. After serving his sentence, the media arranges for the grown brother and murderer to meet on screen. Liam Neeson is always good, but this has the potential to beat a dead cultural horse with a hazy morality stick. Never seen anything by either director or writer.
Liam Neeson, James Nesbitt
August 21

Inglourious Basterds – Written and Directed by Quentin Tarantino
Besides the Grindhouse segment “Death Proof”, it’s been 5 long years since Tarantino did something that was completely his own (Kill Bill Vol. 2). He returns now with his own style of war film. The Basterds are Jewish soldiers recruited by the U.S. Army in WWII France to basically beat the living hell out of the Nazis. We all know it’s going to be violent as hell, witty, and off-puttingly enjoyable. I am a little skeptical about Tarantino and Pitt, but not enough to save my money.
Brad Pitt, B.J. Novak, Melanie Laurent, Eli Roth, Diane Kruger, Til Schweiger
August 21

Halloween II – Written and Directed by Rob Zombie
House of 1000 Corpses was ok. The Devil’s Rejects was freaking amazing. Halloween was badass. So it stands to reason that H2 could very well be Rob Zombie’s best film yet. Apparently, he’s not going down the road of cheesy franchises with 14 sequels. He’s finishing up the story in the second one. He may be messing with the mythology, John Carpenter may be completely absent, but Tyler Bates is still on board, and I have goosebumps.
Tyler Mane, Malcolm McDowell, Brad Dourif, Sheri Moon Zombie, Scout Taylor-Compton, Margot Kidder
August 28

Taking Woodstock – Directed by Ang Lee, Written by James Schamus and Elliot Tiber
This may be the “summer vacation’s over” film this year, but I gotta say I’m opposed to it. Demetri Martin’s show sucked, and they gave him the lead? Not only that, but Ang Lee, who, together with James Schamus, brought us crap like Ride with the Devil, Eat Drink Man Woman, and Hulk (the dumb one), was 15 living in Taiwan when Woodstock went down. I don’t like it one bit, and so many people are going to yell at me for that.
Demetri Martin, Eugene Levy, Emile Hirsch, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Liev Schreiber, Paul Dano, Kelli Garner
August 28

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN

The Collector – Directed by Marcus Dunstan, Written by Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton
The guys who wrote and directed multiple Saw films, and all of the Feast flicks are back with an original horror movie about an ill-timed burglary that traps a man in a house with a family that is already at the mercy of “the collector”. Looks creepy and cool as hell, but the fact that I didn’t see anything about this until yesterday, and they’re already calling the main guy a “horror icon” makes me skeptical.
Madeline Zima, Andrea Roth, Josh Stewart
July 31

Balibo – Directed by Robert Connelly, Written by Robert Connolly and David Williamson
Based on the true story of the Balibo 5, a group of five Australian journalists that disappeared during the invasion of East Timor in 1975. Looks good, the writer and director are experienced in Australia. Just can’t find a solid release date.
Anthony LaPaglia
August 13 (limited)

Taxidermia – Directed by Gyorgy Palfi, Written by Gyorgy Palfi and Lajos Parti Nagy
Watching the preview for this made my head hurt. Visually beautiful, sweeping, and surreal, it’s about three generations of the same family, and their crazy fantasies. It was released in Hungary in 2006, but didn’t get a very limited US release date until last month. You can probably find it online or on DVD, but it looks interesting.
Csaba Czene, Gergely Trocsanyi, Piroska Molnar
August 14 (rumored)

The Marc Pease Experience – Directed by Todd Louiso, Written by Jacob Koskoff and Todd Louiso
About a high school musical star stuck in a high school mind set eight years later. I have serious doubts that a movie with Ben Stiller and Jason Schwartzman wouldn’t be advertised, but all I’ve found so far is a sketchy release date, so look for it. Directed by the skinny Moby look-alike from High Fidelity.
Ben Stiller, Jason Schwartzman, Anna Kendrick
August 21 (rumored)

1.  M. Night Shayamalan

The Sixth Sense was freaking awesome, with an eerie atmosphere, and one of the best plot twists up to that point.  Everything M. Night has done since then has sucked balls.  Unbreakable was the worst superhero film ever (“They call me Mr. Glass.” Are you fucking serious?).  Signs was retarded, the Village had a lot of potential, but of course he fucked it up.  Lady in the Water?  Won’t even discuss it.  And now he’s running out of titles.  The Happening.  How vague.  He is actually a great director technically; he’s had amazing scenes in every film he’s done.  His problem is he sucks at writing, and he writes all the films he directs.  No more plot twists, for the love of god!  They are all fucking awful, and he’s taken at least 12 hours from my life that I can’t get back.  And appearing in his own films?  Hitchcock was a genius; you sir, are an ass.

2.  Wes Anderson

Jason Schwartzman may have been a funny, successful actor if Anderson hadn’t thrown him under the Darjeeling Limited.  This is a guy who thinks he’s edgy and indie and inspired.  None of his films are indie; just because Touchstone hasn’t been big since the ‘80’s doesn’t make you a starving artist.  His camera work is rigid, his characters are unbelievable, and he can’t decide if he wants to be funny or dramatic.  The best part about his films is the music, but that doesn’t save him.  You want to be artsy and independent? Grab a Super 8 camera and film something in your basement.  And if I hear one more person say, “it’s just an intelligent kind of humor”, I will punch you in the face.

3.  Oliver Stone

Just because this guy’s father never loved him, and his favorite history professor gave him C’s through college, doesn’t mean I have to suffer for two hours.  What is it about this guy that is redeeming?  Platoon was not as good as everyone thinks it was.  Wall Street was the only good film he ever made.  Natural Born Killers was a Tarantino script, and Stone still fucked it up.  Every single movie he makes, it’s like he’s saying, “Look at me professor, I got facts right, give me a cookie!  Look daddy, I superimposed Joe Namath over Jamie Foxx, do you love me yet?”  I would be more upset about his political adgenda (Nixon, W, JFK, World Trade), but he’s just such a douchebag, I’ve stopped caring.  I can’t wait for Born on the 5^th of July.

4.  David Cronenberg

Am I the only one who remembers that this guy started out making bullshit B movies like The Fly and Videodrome?  In the mid ‘90’s, he tried to be more introspective with social commentaries like Crash and eXistenz, and he failed.  Now, he’s adapting graphic novels into uninspired films, and people are inviting him to the Oscars? Fuck that.  A History of Violence was a dumb movie, and so was Eastern Promises.  His violence and fighting is so scripted it’s ridiculous.  I really think he’s just coming up with different excuses to see Viggo Mortensen naked.  His films are predictable and monotonous; he should see if Viggo’s willing to be in The Fly III.

5.  Joe Wright

This asshole is the most pretentious thing to come out of Hollywood in decades.  He’s like that friend you hate because you know he’s not intelligent or artistic, but he pretends so well because he wants to sleep with your girlfriend.  It’s as if he started with Pride and Prejudice, and now he’s stuck in Jane Austen mode, and we can’t turn him off.  His most recent project (The Soloist) was actually a true story; a heartfelt, inspiring, real story about music, and he turned it into Atonement 2.  I actually feel insulted watching his camera work, and the bullshit artsy scenes he throws in at random.  For the love of God, someone turn him off before he makes Die Hard 5: No More Sensibility.