By now we’ve all heard about the wacky pastor from Florida and his Qur’an-burning parties. Seriously, does anything good come out of Florida anymore? Citrus. That is all.

I’d like to point out two things if I may. The first is that the opponents of this brilliantly intricate plan (among them our President) are saying we can’t do this because it would offend Muslims who had nothing to do with 9/11. They also say the retaliation from Muslims will be immediate, against Americans and US personnel who had nothing to do with the book burning. Is anyone else getting tired of how fucking stupid everyone else is?

The second point is that book burnings are almost a tradition in Western culture. The church denounces a scientific theory, and Origin of the Species goes up in flames. Someone says a naughty word, and copies of Catcher in the Rye are sold with a complimentary match. Someone is angry at the church, and…

Sorry, Pastor Jones. You don’t fucking burn bibles. Anyone’s bible.

But in the spirit of peaceful resolution and enlightenment, I wish to propose a compromise. Instead of attacking classic literature, amazing prose, and the entire belief system of a people, let’s start making lists of books everyone can enjoy burning. Ok, here’s mine.

If I Did it by O.J. Simpson
I don’t care if you did it or not, what kind of idiotic stupid writes a book called “If I Did It” after they are aquitted of two counts of MURDER? He might as well have called it, “Gotcha Suckas!” Who lets these things happen? Where’s the gas can?

T.O. by Terrell Owens
Ok, so you may have been an awesome wide receiver at one point in your career. But you seem to have forgotten rule numero uno in the game: There’s no fucking crying in football. Bo Jackson got broken in half. Bill Romanowski is immortal because he steals dudes’ souls by falling on them. And you’re pouting about your mental and emotional problems? I can’t wait for the follow up co-written by Vince Young: Stop Calling Us Names, or We’ll Tell Roger Goodell. BURN.

The Road by Cormac McCarthy
I’m not joking. For all the hype surrounding this book and the lukewarm film adaptation, it’s SO FREAKING BORING. They walk, they look at things, they have awkwardly worded conversations, they walk some more. “The man stepped in ash, and noticed the city was covered in ash, and there was ash on his son’s head, ash ash ash.” You want ash? I’ll show you ash, you boring bastard.

The Entire Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer
If John Connor knew the kind of bullshit these books would rain down on us, he’d have told Michael Biehn, “fuck the Terminator wars, you go back and punch Stephanie Meyer square in the mouth.” These go on the pile, and never again do I see grown-ass soccer moms falling over each other for teenagers, or high-schoolers wearing tails and fangs.

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
Ok, so I have nothing wrong with this book. I’m sure it’s a fine read. But at this point, asking me why I haven’t read it is like asking Jim Gaffigan why he doesn’t eat mayonnaise. I don’t want to read it. I have zero desire, I will probably never read it, now leave me alone, or so help me this blow torch will do the Lord’s work.

I know. Posts have been scarce in the past month or so. My apologies. Life has been crazy—full of moves, trips to Ireland, trips to Napa and other general life stuff.

But we’re making up for it. Tomorrow marks the beginning of Old School Week. In the spirit of last year’s Superhero Week, we’re going to set aside five days to focus on a particular theme. This time it’s the old school.

We’ll share our favorite musicians and filmmakers from generations past. And hopefully, you’ll discover something you’d never experienced in the process. Join us next week as we celebrate those that came before us.

1,
Your Fearless Leader

As you can see, we’re making some changes to the site. We’ve made the long awaited move from WordPress.com to a self-hosted WordPress installation. So please bear with us as we get everything set up. Hopefully everything will be back up and running by sometime this week. If any of you have some dope WordPress theme suggestions, please leave a comment with a link. It would be greatly appreciated.

1,

Your Fearless Leader.

It’s been a couple weeks since reports appeared online concerning Washington Wizards players Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton reenacting the OK Corral in the locker room. It was alluded to that a gambling debt dispute resulted in guns being drawn, and threats being made. A few days later, it turned out that there was neither anger nor loaded firearms involved. My first thought when reading the original erroneous headline was “Washington D.C. basketball players pulling guns? That’s not news.” (it’s not racist; I have been to the Murder McDonald’s, and I have seen the light.) My next thought, besides hoping someone got fired for the slip, was self-righteous irritation. I attributed this to our current culture of instant gratification, and our dependance on quickly formed, poorly edited news stories taken from kindles and twitters and magical unicorns that shit pistachio ice cream (all equally legitimate and reliable news sources). Then I remembered the presidential campaign of Harry Truman (see more below…or in a book somewhere) and I humbly apologized to the unicorn nearest me. Our fast-paced culture has it’s shortcomings, to be sure. But without that same pace, we wouldn’t have known the true story until weeks, maybe months later, after all plane tickets to the D.C. area were cancelled. So here is a list of some other headlines that…jumped the gun…in history. Most of them are much more earth-shattering than a simple court-side misunderstanding, but just think about reading these when they were first published, and not learning until months later that they were wrong. …god bless twitter.

1. “Passengers Safely Moved and Steamer Titanic Taken in Tow” (Christian Science Monitor, April 15, 1912) If you didn’t know it before James Cameron left Kate Winslet alone on a floating door, you know it now. This boat sank. However, initial reports told people that not only was everyone aboard the Titanic alive, but the ship itself was intact and being towed to port. Cameron apologized for Titanic by making Avatar. Wonder what those damn Christian Scientists had to do…

2. “Dewey Defeats Truman” (Chicago Tribune, November 3, 1948) In an attempt to make the deadline for the first edition, the Tribune decided to close the 1948 presidential election early and run their own headline. The picture of PRESIDENT Harry S. Truman holding up the Tribune with a smile can be seen in history books and political magazines to this day. Presumably, New York Governor Thomas Dewey took it pretty hard. Although among those most effected were his brothers, Huey and Luey, and close family friend Launchpad. Wait, what was I talking about?

3.”JFK Raps Fault-Finders In Nation” (The Lexington Leader, November 22, 1963) Imagine picking up a newspaper to see how the president’s address went earlier that day, and seeing that it apparently went well (haha, take THAT you lousy republicans!). Then you call your friend to talk about it, and you’re friend’s like, “Dude, the president got shot in the face on his way to make that speech.” Something about a grassy troll and a large suppository, you aren’t really listening…your whole world’s upside-down face.

4. “Congressman’s Flight Reportedly Forced to Soviet Isle” (United Press International, September 1, 1983) In the midst of the cold war, this report - stating that Georgia Congressman Larry McDonald and 268 passengers had been forced to land by Russian fighter planes - was stirring enough. Think of the outrage when it turned out that, rather than asking KAL flight 007 to land, those wodka-loving SOB’s put a missile up it’s ass, effectively creating conspiracy theories as big as JFK and 9/11. When asked why the incident occurred, the Russians began weeping, repeating only: “Fucking bear is fucking mother!”

5. “Kerry’s Choice: Dem picks Gephardt as VP candidate” (The New York Post, July 6, 2004) I remember the slight confusion after this article was released. It turned out Kerry had actually picked John Edwards to run with him, and no one told the Post. Imagine Gephardt’s reaction, like the cool kids finally invited him to play kickball, then yelled, “Just kidding, loser!” and ran off. Now imagine Edwards reading that with his morning coffee. This explains the original title of his memoirs: “John Kerry is a cheating whore.”

6. “‘Alive!’ Miners beat odds” (USA Today, January 4, 2006) We all remember this mining tragedy in West Virginia, and how dedicated the search and rescue operations were. Even with the entire country watching, multiple newspapers ran the story that 12 of the 13 trapped miners had survived. Turned out, there was a “slight miscommunication”, and in reality 12 had actually died. This leads me to the conclusion that either USA Today can’t tell the difference between dead people and the living (which would make them US Weekly), or that people in West Virginia really can’t count to 13. I mean, I saw Wrong Turn, but I thought that was just a story…

I know it’s been like 3 weeks since The Watchmen was released. And maybe we’re a little late to the party. But seeing that movie has sent sexy gypsy into a Superhero frenzy. It’s all we’ve been talking about for a while. We’ve re-watched the films, bought the comic books and discussed them to no end.

So in celebration of this awesome and underappreciated art form, we are declaring the next week Superhero Week. We’ll be hitting you with reviews of both The Watchmen movie and graphic novel, our Top 5 Superheroes and Villains and some other surprises.

Check back soon and feel free to drop a comment.

Until Next Time, Your Fearless Leader

I know I’ve been slacking pretty hard on my music posts. But hopefully you’ve enjoyed the new movie reviews and Oscar/Golden Globe coverage. The Great White Gypsy and I have been scrambling to see every Oscar nominated film (yes, including shorts and documentaries), so we are well informed when we give you our picks for this year. We will also be live blogging the Oscars, complete with pictures. So be sure to check back Oscar Sunday (Pacific Time). I’ll also be tweeting my reactions so if you’re not already following me on Twitter, you can follow me here.

Until Next Time,

Your Fearless Leader

I hope you’re enjoying the new look. With today being Sunday, we’re hard at work writing some updates for the site. We’ve decided to add a new section, High Fidelity, to sexy gypsy. 

In a tribute to John Cusack’s best film, this section will be dedicated to lists—top ten, top five, top whatever we feel like. Just talking about the section, we came up with some fun ideas. Top 5 most annoying trends. Top 5 most overrated bands. Top 10 best movies you’ve never heard of. 

We think this will be a great addition to sexy gypsy. And hopefully spark some healthy conversations in the comments. So check back later today for the first installment of the High Fidelity section. 

1, 

Your Fearless Leader

I have decided to move sexy gypsy exclusively to wordpress.com

This makes it alot easier for me to keep track of the site and to update it regularly. 

Right now www.sexy-gypsy.com is down. I’m hoping to be able to get everything worked out soon. And this blog mapped to sexy-gypsy.com The old site is still available here:

http://web.me.com/sexy_gypsy

But that will probably be deleted as soon as I get everything working properly.  UPDATE: Everything is working fine now. Thanks to the wordpress.com support team. Welcome to the new sexy gypsy! 

1, 

Your Fearless Leader

I know there hasn’t been many updates to sexy gypsy recently. Life has been catching up with all of us. Right now, I’m just sitting in my office taking a break from the craziness. So I figured, I’d post and let you all know what’s going on.

I did just get a new, expansive Hard Drive and I’ve been filling it up with lots and lots of new music. So expect some new reviews coming soon.

Here’s some of what I’ve got on my list of artists to listen to:

88-Keys Black Milk Pete Philly & Perquisite The Carps This Town Needs Guns Nina Violet and The Invisible Orchestra Jedi Mind Tricks - A History of Violence Stereolab - Chemical Chords TV On The Radio - Dear Science

The last three are some good artists I’ve known about for a while, but that have new albums out. The new Jedi Mind Tricks is already sounding really promising.

Anyways, until next time…

1, Your Fearless Leader