MOST ENTERTAINING FEATURE

Salt ——-WINNER——-

The Expendables

Machete

Tron: Legacy

Iron Man 2

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

How to Train Your Dragon

Toy Story 3 ——-WINNER——-

Batman: Under the Red Hood

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole

Tangled

BEST DOCUMENTARY

Exit Through the Gift Shop ——-WINNER——-

The Two Escobars

Waiting for Superman

Once Brothers

Nightmares in Red, White, and Blue

SLEEPER HIT OF THE YEAR

Unthinkable ——-WINNER——-

The Green Zone

Centurion

Daybreakers

Legion

BEST FOREIGN FEATURE

Four Lions - United Kingdom ——-WINNER——-

Animal Kingdom - Australia

Micmacs - France

Ondine - Ireland

Cell 211 - Spain

BEST INDEPENDENT FEATURE

Breaking Upwards

Winter’s Bone

Cyrus ——-WINNER——-

The Kids Are All Right

The Trotsky

THE ROE v WADE AWARD

Clash of the Titans

The Last Airbender

Resident Evil: Afterlife

Saw VII

Cop Out ——-WINNER——-

BEST ZOMBIE PICTURE OF THE YEAR

[Rec ²]

BEST PICTURE

Shutter Island ——-WINNER——-

Inception

127 Hours

The King’s Speech

Black Swan

BEST DIRECTOR

Martin Scorcese - Shutter Island

Darren Aronofsky - Black Swan ——-WINNER——-

Christopher Nolan - Inception

Danny Boyle - 127 Hours

Joel and Ethan Coen - True Grit

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

Pete Postlethwaite (1946-2011)

For having one of the hardest names to pronouce in history, Postlethwaite became one of the most recognizable supporting faces in cinema. Though he scored a small part in Ridley Scott’s 1977 epic The Duelists, Pete’s talent was relegated to the small screen until 1992, when he was featured in David Fincher’s Alien 3 and Michael Mann’s The Last of the Mohicans. Since then, he refused to let his jagged looks typecast him. Before losing a long, well-fought battle with cancer earlier this year, Postlethwaite left a legacy of amazing roles and a quiet, powerful screen presence that didn’t diminish even when his body did. Giuseppe Conlon, Kobayashi, Father Laurence, Roland Tembo. He even managed to go out in a blaze of glory, starring in Inception and The Town in 2010.
We’ve definitely lost one of the greats, but he lives on in one of the most impressive film collections of all time. Rest in peace, Mr. Postlethwaite.

MOST ENTERTAINING FEATURE

Salt

The Expendables

Machete

Tron: Legacy

Iron Man 2

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

How to Train Your Dragon

Toy Story 3

Batman: Under the Red Hood

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole

Tangled

BEST DOCUMENTARY

Exit Through the Gift Shop

The Two Escobars

Waiting for Superman

Once Brothers

Nightmares in Red, White, and Blue

SLEEPER HIT OF THE YEAR

Unthinkable

The Green Zone

Centurion

Daybreakers

Legion

BEST FOREIGN FEATURE

Four Lions - United Kingdom

Animal Kingdom - Australia

Micmacs - France

Ondine - Ireland

Cell 211 - Spain

BEST INDEPENDENT FEATURE

Breaking Upwards

Winter’s Bone

Cyrus

The Kids Are All Right

The Trotsky

THE ROE v WADE AWARD

Clash of the Titans

The Last Airbender

Resident Evil: Afterlife

Saw VII

Cop Out

BEST ZOMBIE PICTURE OF THE YEAR

[Rec ²]

BEST PICTURE

Shutter Island

Inception

127 Hours

The King’s Speech

Black Swan

BEST DIRECTOR

Martin Scorcese - Shutter Island

Darren Aronofsky - Black Swan

Christopher Nolan - Inception

Danny Boyle - 127 Hours

Joel and Ethan Coen - True Grit

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

Pete Postlethwaite

The 2010 Gypsy Ballots

I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!!

It’s awards season again, and I for one am not in a red carpet mood. I should be scouring the nominees lists, constantly adding to and crossing off my “To Watch” lists, and arguing about certain questionable nominations. Instead, I’m on Wikipedia looking up the definition of battered wife syndrome and wondering why I keep coming back to awards shows that treat my intelligence so badly.

For me, it started years ago, when A Beautiful Mind was going for the Oscar sweep. But when it finally came down to it, Denzel Washington and Halle Berry took home the gold for their portrayals of a confused whorebag, and a single mother (see what I did there?). This was compounded when the Academy decided to nominate 10 films for Best Picture, meaning the already sparse choices were going to be watered down more than a drink at Applebee’s. The last straw was when motherfucking Avatar, which I loved for it’s entertainment magnitude and technological achievement, was nominated for Best Picture.

Like a fat kid in dodgeball. I’m out.

So this year, for the above reasons (and because we’re smarter than everyone) sexy gypsy is doing our own awards, which we’ve cleverly titled:

The 2010 Gypsies

We’ve mixed everything from The Academy, The HFPA, and IFC into one big nominees list. Categories like Best Feature, Best Director, Best Animated Feature, and Best Foreign Feature are on the list along with Best Independent Feature and Best Documentary. In addition, we’ve created some of our own categories:

Biggest Sleeper of the Year - Films that flew under the radar and surprised us all.
Most Entertaining Feature - They’ll never get an Oscar, but they were damn fun to watch.
Best Zombie Picture - Hey, we love zombies.
The Roe v Wade Award - Horrible, horrible films that should never have been allowed their first breath.

So be on the lookout for our official nominees list and ballots next week after the Packers beat the Steelers (suck it, Pittsburgh).

-GWG

Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll - Directed by Mat Whitecross, Written by Paul Viragh
The problem with good music biopics is they are hard to see on the big screen. I must admit, I still haven’t caught The Runaways yet. This one really intrigues me because, not only are most of the cast and crew unknown, but Ian Drury and The Blockheads aren’t exactly on everyone’s iTunes Genius bar. For those of you too lazy to click a link, Ian Drury, despite having polio most of his life, rose to become an icon of British punk-rock in the 1970’s. Whitecross has done mainly documentaries to date. But the coolest thing about this film? The dude who plays Drury (Serkis) is the same dude who played Gollum in LOTR. Odd.
Andy Serkis, Olivia Williams, Ray Winstone, Noel Clarke, Naomie Harris
May 5

The Trotsky - Written and Directed by Jacob Tierney
Unless you actually watched his 2003 Dickens adaptation Twist, you have no idea who Jacob Tierney is. But we all know who Jay Baruchel is (She’s Out of my League, Real Time, Undeclared), and I for one think it’ll be awesome to see him playing a teenager who believes he is the reincarnation of Leon Trotsky. Even in high school, Jay’s character seeks to mirror the Russian revolutionary’s life, including exile, marriage, and ultimately his assassination. Might end up being esoterically Red, but we’ll see.
Jay Baruchel, Emily Hampshire, Colm Feore
May 5

Happiness Runs - Written and Directed by Adam Sherman
Based on true events from the ‘70’s, this is Sherman’s (producer, Wristcutters: A Love Story) first big feature about a generation of children lost to the hedonism of utopian hippie communes. Forced polygamy, promiscuity, and drug use are amplified by a cinematography that apparently seeks to portray these communes as cultish. May be a bit over the top, but it’s all the proof I need that hippies are, in fact, ruining society.
Mark L. Young, Hanna Hall, Rutger Hauer, Andie MacDowell, Jesse Plemons
May 7

Iron Man 2 - Directed by Jon Favreau, Written by Justin Theroux
I usually don’t cover the big movies unless there’s a good reason. And I think there is here. With the collapse (reboot) of the Spider-man franchise, and the skepticism surrounding Thor and Green Lantern, a lot is riding on Iron Man 2 if Marvel has any hope of keeping fans interested enough to wait for The Avengers. Favreau killed it with Iron Man and, though the previews appear to showcase his original style, the studio may have tried to cram more side plots and characters into in than a two-dollar whore (or Spider-man 3, whichever). Guess there’s only one way to find out.
Robert Downey Jr., Mickey Rourke, Scarlett Johansson, Samuel L. Jackson, Gwyneth Paltrow, Sam Rockwell, Don Cheadle
May 7

Mother and Child - Written and Directed by Rodrigo Garcia
There is a fine line between making a specific film that everyone can appreciate and sympathize with, and making a categorically ethnocentric film that will alienate anyone who can’t relate to the story. Rodrigo Garcia did a great job directing In Treatment, which shows me he can handle intimate settings and complex character interaction. However, this story about three women and their experiences with the adoption process will require much more exposition in a two hour block. I hope he can pull it off.
Annette Bening, Naomi Watts, Kerry Washington, Samuel L. Jackson, Carla Gallo
May 7

Multiple Sarcasms - Written and Directed by Brooks Branch
Timothy Hutton has had a strange career. He won an Oscar in 1981 for his role in Ordinary People. After that, I didn’t see him in anything good until City of Industry and Playing God, both in ‘97. Then nothing again, until 2008’s Lymelife, after which he burned through The Killing Room, Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, Serious Moonlight, and The Ghost Writer. His recent comeback gives me hope for this character-driven drama about an unhappy man who quits his job to write a play about his life and the people in it.
Timothy Hutton, Dana Delany, Mira Sorvino, Stockard Channing, Mario Van Peebles, India Ennenga
May 7

The Living Wake - Directed by Sol Tryon, Written by Peter Kline and Mike O’Connell
Jesse Eisenberg has been a busy mofo the last couple years. Keeping up with his awkward second banana routine, he plays an aspiring poet and writer enlisted by his friend K. Binew to chronicle Binew’s last day on earth. Binew spends the day inviting everyone he meets to his “living wake”, where he plans to perform one more live act before dropping dead. The story doesn’t strike me as original, But Eisenberg is growing on me, and anything Jim Gaffigan is in is usually worth a laugh or three. Hot Pocket!!!!
Jesse Eisenberg, Mike O’Connell, Jim Gaffigan
May 14

Perrier’s Bounty - Directed by Ian Fitzgibbon, Written by Mark O’Rowe
I’ve been looking forward to this film for a while now. I almost stayed in Ireland an extra week just so I could see it over there first. Fitzgibbon and O’Rowe haven’t done much outside of Intermission, which wasn’t anything really special as far as Irish film goes. However, this one looks like it could be the Lock Stock of Irish cinema, which tends to flounder if it doesn’t have anti-British sentiment or the IRA to fall back on. Great cast, simple story, I still can’t wait.
Cillian Murphy, Brendan Gleeson, Gabriel Byrne, Jim Broadbent
May 14

Holy Rollers - Directed by Kevin Asch, Written by Antonio Macia
Jews selling ecstasy to Israelis? How does that not sound like an awesome movie? Based on a true story, Jesse Eisenberg plays a young Hasidic man who gets mixed up with drug dealers in Brooklyn. Featuring a rookie writer and director, and a young, largely unknown cast, but c’mon … yarmulkes!
Jesse Eisenberg, Justin Bartha, Ari Graynor, Q-Tip
May 21

John Rabe - Written and Directed by Florian Gallenberger
Hurray Germans! Apparently, Schindler wasn’t the only one with a list. In this historical drama, John Rabe is a German businessman who stays in Nanking during the 1937 Japanese invasion and subsequent massacre of the Chinese in order to save as many people as he can. Looks like it could be a solid foreign flick. My only question: Does Steve Buscemi really think he can hide in obscure stuff? I can spot those eyes a mile away.
Ulrich Tukur, Daniel Bruhl, Steve Buscemi
May 21

Solitary Man - Directed by Brian Koppelman and David Levien, Written by Brian Koppelman
Yes, we’ve seen the story of an old guy sleeping with young women and trying to remember the “good ol’ days”. And yes, Susan Sarandon and Michael Douglas are still on quests to get some lo-fi street cred. But Koppelman and Levien directed Knockaround Guys (surprisingly good), and between them they’ve written Rounders, Runaway Jury, and The Girlfriend Experience. This one seems worth a look.
Michael Douglas, Susan Sarandon, Jenna Fischer, Mary-Louise Parker, Jesse Eisenberg, Olivia Thirlby, Danny DeVito
May 21

Survival of the Dead - Written and Directed by George A. Romero
I’m not sure that any other director can lay claim to the kind of cult following Romero has enjoyed just from one film franchise. Keeping a dismembered hand on the wheel, Romero has managed to keep his vision out of the reach of studios and direct every film from Night of the Living Dead in 1968 to this one. And even though the last installment (Diary of the Dead) was a godawful handheld nightmare right up there with Cloverfield and Quarantine, Romero - like his hoard of undead - cannot be stopped. I’m also very, very happy this one isn’t in 3-D. I almost spent $12 to watch it early…just now.
Alan Van Sprang, Kenneth Welsh, Kathleen Munroe
May 28

Micmacs - Written and Directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet
This film has been getting a lot of good feedback from festivals all over the place. Jeunet has done a handful of good French films, and one subpar American film (Alien: Resurrection), but I do love the bandwagon. It’s about a store clerk who is shot in the head with a stray bullet, and years later gets a rag-tag bunch of quirky characters to go after two large ammunition companies. Damn surrender monkeys. Dany Boon, Andre Dussollier, Nicolas Marie, Jean-Pierre Marielle
May 28

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN

Agora - Directed by Alejandro Amenabar, Written by Alejandro Amenabar and Mateo Gil
This one’s been sitting on my computer (along with Abre los ojos) for quite some time. Amenabar has done really well on his native soil, but his only other “American” film was The Others, which I still think was a funny, funny joke. Rachel Weisz is always good in ancient world period pieces, and this one looks much more politically and philosophically driven, instead of the typical Gladiator-wannabes. I should probably get on this one.
Rachel Weisz, Max Minghella, Oscar Isaac
May 21 (Limited)

Black Death - Directed by Christopher Smith, Written by Dario Poloni
Christopher Smith is a strange little British man. The three films he has under his belt include Creep, a cut-and-dry thriller, Severance, a tongue-in-cheek horror comedy, and Triangle, a mind-fuck with no KY. Now it appears he’s upping the anti again with this horror-mystery about a village bringing people back to life during the first black plague outbreak. I’m game.
Sean Bean, Carice van Houten, Kimberley Nixon, Eddie Redmayne
May 28 (UK)

Acts of Violence - Written and Directed by Il Kim
Revenge tales are always fun, whether the film is actually good or not. Watching your average joe go from distraught victim to harbinger of doom doesn’t usually need a great writer to pull it off. Which is good, considering this is Kim’s first attempt at…anything. He also stars as Flyn, a man who seeks vengeance on the men who raped his wife. But instead of a simple payback story, Flyn continues to rip people apart, keeping his violent secrets from his wife (Sobieski) and telling only his priest (Perlman). Can’t find more release info beyond “May 2010”, so look for it on DVD, or at the tiny cinema around the corner.
Il Kim, Leelee Sobieski, Ron Perlman
May-ish

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) - Written and Directed by Tom Six
I really don’t know how to feel about this one. It looks like it could be good for a few Hostile moments, and the tagline is “100% medically accurate”. However, the image of three people sewn together, ass to mouth, on their hands and knees, can’t be serious, can it? I guess it’s serious enough that IFC snatched this one up, and Tom Six is already working on the sequel, due out in 2011.
Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams, Ashlynn Yennie, Akihiro Kitamura
May-ish

We all want to protect the people we care about. From pain, from loss, from someone else hurting them. From ourselves. But sometimes our pride gets the better of us, and causes us to lose more than we would otherwise because of our mistakes. These are the themes of Lee Toland Krieger’s Independent Spirit Award nominee, The Vicious Kind.

While looking through the nominees for this year’s Independent Spirit Awards, I came across a familiar title: Nights and Weekends. It had been in my Netflix Instant Queue (God bless Netflix) for a while, and I figured now was a good time to check it out. I had heard really good things.

From Paris with Love - Directed by Pierre Morel, Written by Adi Hasak and Luc Besson
Swordfish. The Punisher. A Love Song for Bobby Long. Lonely Hearts. John Travolta has been in four good films in the last ten years. This is a fact. And the only reason I’m giving him another chance after The Taking of Pelham 123 is the company he’s keeping. If Jonathan Rhys Meyers isn’t enough for you, how about producer/writer Luc Besson (Director: La Femme Nikita, The Professional), director Pierre Morel (Taken), cinematographer Michel Abramowicz (Taken, L’empire del loupes) and editor Frederic Thoraval (Taken, District B-13). French people are badass.
John Travolta, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Amber Rose Revah
February 5

Psych 9 - Directed by Andrew Shortell, Written by Lawrence Robinson
Newbie Director and Writer present a story about people working in a closed mental hospital and seeing weird shit. This seems like a blatant ripoff of Session 9 (which was cool), but the last indie horror movie that managed to star Cary Elwes was Saw. Makes you think, huh?
Sara Foster, Cary Elwes, Michael Biehn, Gabriel Mann
February 5

Terribly Happy - Directed by Henrik Ruben Genz, Written by Henrik Ruben Genz and Dunja Gry Jensen
Where I’m from, comparing some random Danish movie to David Lynch and The Coen Brothers will get you punched in the face. Unless it’s true. Which it may be. The preview conveys Lynch’s trademark sleep-deprived confusion and some strange, small town Coen antics. Looks pretty cool, but I don’t like admitting I’m wrong. So it’s still on…taeve.
Jakob Cedergren, Lene Maria Christensen, Kim Bodnia
February 5

The Wolfman - Directed by Joe Johnston, Written by Andrew Kevin Walker and David Self
If Joe Johnston’s name sounds familiar…it’s because you’re thinking of Jack Johnson. Now put down the blunt and pay attention. Johnston directed The Rocketeer in 1991 (I don’t care who you are, you loved that movie). After “wowing” audiences with The Pagemaster and Jumanji, he was given a chance to direct Jurassic Park 3. And he gobbled its balls. So what’s going to save this werewolf orgy? Sheer acting talent, Rick Baker’s amazing special effects, the writing genius of Andrew Kevin Walker (Se7en, 8MM, Sleepy Hollow) and the meddling ghost of Lon Chaney Jr..
Benicio Del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt, Hugo Weaving
February 10

The Ghost Writer - Directed by Roman Polanski, Written by Robert Harris
Roman Polanski is living proof that God loves a trier. You can charge him with rape. You can banish him. You can extradite and try him. You can put him on house arrest. And he will still make fucking movies. The last political thriller that held my attention was George W. Bush in “Trapped in a Chinese press room”, and only Polanski could get James Belushi, Tom Wilkinson, and Kim Cattrall in the same room on purpose. Good feelings.
Ewan McGregor, Pierce Brosnan, Timothy Hutton, Kim Cattrall, Olivia Williams, Tom Wilkinson, James Belushi, Eli Wallach
February 19

Shutter Island - Directed by Martin Scorsese, Written by Laeta Kalogridis
Ok guys, this is a new year. A new movie. A new story. There’s no need for me to even mention how much The Departed sucked yak testicles. So I won’t. But I will say this: I am very excited about Scorsese trying his hand at the horror genre. I just wish he hadn’t picked one written by the same guy that did Alexander (shitty) and Pathfinder (even more shittier). I hope the ghost turns out to be Mark Wahlberg.
Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Ruffalo, Ben Kingsley, Emily Mortimer, Michelle Williams, Max von Sydow, Patricia Clarkson, Jackie Earle Haley
February 19

Cop Out - Directed by Kevin Smith, Written by Robb and Mark Cullen
You’ve probably heard the stories about how Kevin Smith wanted to call it “The Two Dicks”, and the studio changed the name. Smith called that a “cop out” and they laughed and said, “let’s call it that!” Very cute, but you’re still a sissy-ass reed in the wind who can’t even name his own film. The first Smith film he didn’t also write, he apparently chose the project because his late father liked the genre. So for any Smith fans out there, let me paint you a picture. When the Coen Brothers lost their mother, they made The Ladykillers. Enough said.
Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan, Michelle Trachtenberg, Jason Lee, Rashida Jones, Seann William Scott, Adam Brody, Kevin Pollack
February 26

The Crazies - Directed by Breck Eisner, Written by Scatt Kosar and Ray Wright
As a film elitist, my first reaction to a nobody director remaking a George A. Romero film was, “Lame.” Then I remembered that the nobody who remade Dawn of the Dead grew up to be Zack Snyder, who directed 300 and Watchmen. This story isn’t quite as cool, but it could make for a fun cinematic adventure if they lay off the CGI.
Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell
February 26

The Yellow Handkerchief - Directed by Udayan Prasad, Written by Erin Dignam
Three strangers end up in the same car traveling across Louisiana. They’re all lonely. Then they start reminiscing and find common ground. Then they aren’t lonely. This may not sound like a cool film, but neither did “homeless girl loses her dog, then finds it”, and that was a really good film. With nary a weak link to be found in the main cast, I would love to see this at a festival. I’ll have to settle for On Demand.
William Hurt, Maria Bello, Kristen Stewart, Eddie Redmayne
February 26

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN

The Red Riding Trilogy
This serial killer trilogy out of Britain has been getting a lot of buzz lately. Critics are raving about the cinematography, direction, the connected story, etc. Now it’s finally getting a foothold in the U.S. IFC will begin showing it at their center in New York, hopefully spreading after that. Don’t worry though, if it doesn’t end up at a theatre near you, expect an On Demand/DVD release fairly soon.
Red Riding: 1974 - Directed by Julian Jarrold, Written by Tony Grisoni
Starring: Andrew Garfield, David Morrissey, John Henshaw, Anthony Flanagan
Red Riding: 1980 - Directed by James Marsh, Written by Tony Grisoni
Starring: Paddy Considine, David Morrissey, Eddie Marsan
Red Riding: 1983 - Directed by Anand Tucker, Written by Tony Grisoni
Starring: David Morrissey, Sean Bean, Mark Addy
February 5 (IFC Center, NY)

Blood Done Sign My Name - Written and Directed by Jeb Stuart
I gotta be honest, I’m not even sure this is a real thing yet. Tim Tyson, a professor at Duke University, wrote this book several years ago about a black Vietnam veteran murdered by a white businessman, who is later acquitted, throwing the social climate of the town into turmoil. Lots of recognizable faces, and a good story. We’ll see what happens.
Michael Rooker, Rick Schroder, Omar Benson Miller, Lee Norris, Nick Searcy
February 19 (Limited)

Blood Into Wine - Directed by Ryan Page and Christopher Pomerenke
I don’t usually do Documentaries here, but this one looks so delightful, I had to mention it. Tool frontman Maynard James Keenan hooks up with Napa Valley winemaker Eric Glomski in an attempt to kick start a wine industry…in Arizona. Half informative wine documentary, half celebrity mockumentary, it might take a certain kind of person to appreciate this one. Luckily, I am a certain kind of person.
Maynard James Keenan, Eric Glomski, Milla Jovovich, Fairuza Balk, Patton Oswalt, Bob Odenkirk
February 19 (Limited)

Heartless - Written and Directed by Philip Ridley
Jim Sturgess is not as bad as everyone says he is. Noel Clarke is not as cool as he thinks he is. Philip Ridley is…a guy. Wasn’t too excited about it, but then I realized it could be like a cross between Kidulthood and The Devil’s Advocate. That might be fucking cool.
Jim Sturgess, Eddie Marsan, Noel Clarke
February 26 (UK)

Toe to Toe - Written and Directed by Emily Abt
“I’m a black girl, you’re a white girl. Let’s play sports and sleep with dudes and break social boundaries to a catchy soundtrack.” I know what this looks like, but Toe to Toe has been getting a lot of buzz around the indie festivals, and it definitely looks more honest drama rather than…something with Terrence Howard or Lil Bow Wow. And they play Lacrosse…
Louisa Krause, Sonequa Martin
February 26 (Limited)

A Perfect Getaway – Written and Directed by David Twohy
Zahn and Jovovich are honeymooning in Hawaii, backpacking to a secluded beach. They come across several other couples talking about a murder, and things get crazy. Twohy directed The Arrival, Pitch Black, and The Chronicles of Riddick, so you can bet it will be entertaining if nothing else. And I’ve heard the plot twist is pretty tight.
Milla Jovovich, Steve Zahn, Chris Hemsworth, Timothy Olyphant, Marley Shelton
August 7

Cold Souls – Written and Directed by Sophie Barthes
Paul Giamatti actually plays himself in this metaphysical, cultural commentary where people’s souls are commodities that can be bought and sold. Looks deep, could be my favorite one since Eternal Sunshine, but that’s a huge expectation for a rookie director.
Paul Giamatti, Emily Watson, David Strathairn, Lauren Ambrose
August 7

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra – Directed by Stephen Sommers, Written by Stuart Beattie and David Elliot
Van Helsing was so bad, the only thing Sommers has directed since is the Mummy amusement park ride. Big names and bigger budgets have failed in the past to adapt videogames and old TV shows very well, but Stuart Beattie (Collateral, 30 Days of Night, Australia) and David Elliot (The Watcher, Four Brothers) are pretty good writers, and the cast does look interesting. This summer has sucked for movies so far, but I still have hope for Joe.
Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Christopher Eccleston, Jonathan Pryce, Sienna Miller, Arnold Vosloo
August 7

I Sell the Dead – Written and Directed by Glenn McQuaid
A Grave robber confesses his sins to a priest…and for some reason there are zombies. IFC does weird stuff sometimes (almost always involving Ron Perlman), but for the most part I’m a fan. McQuaid’s first feature.
Ron Perlman, Dominic Monaghan
August 7

Paper Heart – Directed by Nicholas Jasenovec, Written by Charlyne Yi and Nicholas Jasenovec
A movie about the filming of a documentary? I’ve never seen that. Ok, I have, but never with Seth Rogen and Michael Cera. It looks simple, funny, heartfelt, low budget; what else could you ask for?
Charlyne Yi, Michael Cera, Seth Rogen, Demetri Martin, Paul Rust
August 7

District 9 – Directed by Neill Blomkamp, Written by Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell
You’ve seen those random posters at bus stops all over? “No Humans Allowed”. Well, those are the obscure posters for this “documentary” about an alien race that stumbles upon Earth, and is put into camps and ghettos. It’s like Michael Moore’s very own Cloverfield, but even I have to admit the story sounds intriguing. And, though the writer and director are new, Peter Jackson’s presenting, so I’m assuming he at least watched it.
Nathalie Boltt, William Allen Young
August 14

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard – Directed by Neal Brennan, Written by Andy Stock and Rick Stempson
If Ari from Entourage got fired, divorced, and became a used car dealer, this would be his spin-off movie. However, Jeremy Piven is undeniably awesome, and recognizable faces like Ving Rhames and Ken Jeong will probably outweigh virgin writers and a director from Chappelle’s Show.
Jeremy Piven, Ving Rhames, Ken Jeong, James Brolin
August 14

Spread – Directed by David Mackenzie, Written by Jason Dean Hall
Could it be? Has Ashton Kutcher actually grown up? Granted, The Butterfly Effect was damn cool, but this looks like a positive departure for him. The story of a guy who makes it big in L.A., then falls for a girl who pulls all his own game on him has been done before, but I like the style of this one. Mackenzie’s done some weird stuff, but I’ll give it a chance.
Ashton Kutcher, Anne Heche, Margarita Levieva
August 14

The Time Traveler’s Wife – Directed by Robert Schwentke, Written by Bruce Joel Rubin
Somewhere between The Fountain (minus the great director) and The Lake House (minus the bad actors) lies this adaptation of Audrey Niffenegger’s popular novel. Bana’s no Ryan Gosling, but he and McAdams look like they have some good chemistry. I’m not saying it’ll be great, but as far as chick flicks, this might be one of the less painful ones this year.
Rachel McAdams, Eric Bana, Ron Livingston
August 14

Five Minutes of Heaven – Directed by Oliver Hirschbiegel, Written by Guy Hibbert
An IRA gunman murders a UVF member in front of his little brother. After serving his sentence, the media arranges for the grown brother and murderer to meet on screen. Liam Neeson is always good, but this has the potential to beat a dead cultural horse with a hazy morality stick. Never seen anything by either director or writer.
Liam Neeson, James Nesbitt
August 21

Inglourious Basterds – Written and Directed by Quentin Tarantino
Besides the Grindhouse segment “Death Proof”, it’s been 5 long years since Tarantino did something that was completely his own (Kill Bill Vol. 2). He returns now with his own style of war film. The Basterds are Jewish soldiers recruited by the U.S. Army in WWII France to basically beat the living hell out of the Nazis. We all know it’s going to be violent as hell, witty, and off-puttingly enjoyable. I am a little skeptical about Tarantino and Pitt, but not enough to save my money.
Brad Pitt, B.J. Novak, Melanie Laurent, Eli Roth, Diane Kruger, Til Schweiger
August 21

Halloween II – Written and Directed by Rob Zombie
House of 1000 Corpses was ok. The Devil’s Rejects was freaking amazing. Halloween was badass. So it stands to reason that H2 could very well be Rob Zombie’s best film yet. Apparently, he’s not going down the road of cheesy franchises with 14 sequels. He’s finishing up the story in the second one. He may be messing with the mythology, John Carpenter may be completely absent, but Tyler Bates is still on board, and I have goosebumps.
Tyler Mane, Malcolm McDowell, Brad Dourif, Sheri Moon Zombie, Scout Taylor-Compton, Margot Kidder
August 28

Taking Woodstock – Directed by Ang Lee, Written by James Schamus and Elliot Tiber
This may be the “summer vacation’s over” film this year, but I gotta say I’m opposed to it. Demetri Martin’s show sucked, and they gave him the lead? Not only that, but Ang Lee, who, together with James Schamus, brought us crap like Ride with the Devil, Eat Drink Man Woman, and Hulk (the dumb one), was 15 living in Taiwan when Woodstock went down. I don’t like it one bit, and so many people are going to yell at me for that.
Demetri Martin, Eugene Levy, Emile Hirsch, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Liev Schreiber, Paul Dano, Kelli Garner
August 28

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN

The Collector – Directed by Marcus Dunstan, Written by Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton
The guys who wrote and directed multiple Saw films, and all of the Feast flicks are back with an original horror movie about an ill-timed burglary that traps a man in a house with a family that is already at the mercy of “the collector”. Looks creepy and cool as hell, but the fact that I didn’t see anything about this until yesterday, and they’re already calling the main guy a “horror icon” makes me skeptical.
Madeline Zima, Andrea Roth, Josh Stewart
July 31

Balibo – Directed by Robert Connelly, Written by Robert Connolly and David Williamson
Based on the true story of the Balibo 5, a group of five Australian journalists that disappeared during the invasion of East Timor in 1975. Looks good, the writer and director are experienced in Australia. Just can’t find a solid release date.
Anthony LaPaglia
August 13 (limited)

Taxidermia – Directed by Gyorgy Palfi, Written by Gyorgy Palfi and Lajos Parti Nagy
Watching the preview for this made my head hurt. Visually beautiful, sweeping, and surreal, it’s about three generations of the same family, and their crazy fantasies. It was released in Hungary in 2006, but didn’t get a very limited US release date until last month. You can probably find it online or on DVD, but it looks interesting.
Csaba Czene, Gergely Trocsanyi, Piroska Molnar
August 14 (rumored)

The Marc Pease Experience – Directed by Todd Louiso, Written by Jacob Koskoff and Todd Louiso
About a high school musical star stuck in a high school mind set eight years later. I have serious doubts that a movie with Ben Stiller and Jason Schwartzman wouldn’t be advertised, but all I’ve found so far is a sketchy release date, so look for it. Directed by the skinny Moby look-alike from High Fidelity.
Ben Stiller, Jason Schwartzman, Anna Kendrick
August 21 (rumored)

by The Great White Gypsy

X-men Origins: Wolverine - Directed by Gavin Hood, Written by David Benioff
You wouldn’t think that the guy who directed Tsotsi and Rendition would be asked to start off the Origins spinoffs, but he was. Goes back to the very beginning of Wolverine, whose past has always been shrouded in mystery and violence. Looks pretty cool.
Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Ryan Reynolds, Dominic Monaghan, Kevin Durand, will.I.am
May 1

Battle for Terra - Directed by Aristomenis Tsirbas Written by Evan Spiliotopoulos
I know, it’s a cartoon, but this looks really cool. It’s essentially a space invasion story, with humans as the merciless invaders. The subtle emotions and moral subtext might be lost on the kiddies, but it seems layered. And shit, look how many people are lending their voices (it’s a who’s who of the obscure, but there’s a lot of them…)
Evan Rachel Wood, Brian Cox, James Garner, Chris Evans, Danny Glover, Amanda Peet, David Cross, Ron Perlman, Danny Trejo, Rosanna Arquette, Luke Wilson, Dennis Quaid, Justin Long, Beverly D-Angelo, Mark Hamill
May 1

Home – Written and Directed by Mary Haverstick
Extremely indie film about a mother trying to save her house, and connect with her daughter. Newcomer Haverstick looks like she has a little growing to do, but it seems to have done well in several festivals.
Marcia Gay Harden, Michael Gaston, Eulala Scheel
May 1

The Limits of Control – Written and Directed by Jim Jarmusch
Focus Features started out cool, but it’s had its shortcomings lately. Jim Jarmusch is hot and cold for me. Broken Flowers was cool, Dead Man was awesome. But the last time he tried to do an assassin movie, it sucked ass (Ghost Dog). I’ll give him a chance, but if I see Forest Whitaker in there, I’m done.
Bill Murray, Tilda Swinton, John Hurt, Gael Garcia Bernal, Isaach De Bankole
May 1

Little Ashes – Directed by Paul Morrison, Written by Philippa Goslett
The “untold” story of Salvador Dali, Luis Bunuel and Federico Garcia Lorca in Madrid’s tumultuous 1920’s. No one recognizable involved, but it has a Motorcycle Diaries-meets-The Dreamers kind of feel to it. Could be interesting, if not informative.
Javier Beltran, Robert Pattinson, Matthew McNulty, Marina Gatell
May 8

Adoration – Written and Directed by Atom Egoyan
This did very well at Cannes, and apparently Egoyan is kind of a big deal. About a kid who writes a family history paper for French class, involving terrorism and intrigue, and then hosts an online video chat to discuss it. One question: Why is Scott Speedman in this?
Scott Speedman, Rachel Blanchard, Kenneth Welsh, Devon Bostick
May 8

Management – Written and Directed by Stephen Belber
Belber’s directorial deflowering about a hotel manager (Zahn) who meets a traveling saleswoman (Aniston), falls in love with her, and follows her around the country. Sure, when Steve Zahn does it, it’s funny and touching, but when I do it, all of a sudden the term “restraining order” comes up. Lame.
Jennifer Aniston, Steve Zahn, Woody Harrelson
May 15

Summer Hours – Written and Directed by Olivier Assayas
Yeah, I admit it: I’m a fan of Juliette Binoche. French director Assayas’ story of a family coming to terms with their emotional memories when they must part with their material belongings. Also an IFC release, which is always cool.
Juliette Binoche
May 15

Terminator Salvation – Directed by McG, Written by John D. Brancato and Michael Ferris
The best part of Terminator 2: Arnold Schwarzenegger running like a little girl. The best part of Terminator 3: Kristanna Loken naked (goddamn). The best part of Salvation: Christian Bale yelling at a cameraman. Seriously, this movie looks awesome. Bale has proved himself as an action star, the effects look sick, and it’s set in the future. My only complaint: who the fuck let McG direct this? Really? The guy with no real name who directed Charlie’s Angels 2? Is he a 32-year-old Hawaiian organ donor too? Part of that 12-dollar ticket better be going to buy that guy a fucking surname.
Christian Bale, Helena Bonham Carter, Common, Jane Alexander, Moon Bloodgood
May 21

The Girlfriend Experience – Directed by Steven Soderbergh, Written by Brian Koppelman and David Levien
I gotta believe George Clooney is pissed about not being in this, considering he’s Soderbergh’s bitch. This is very similar, if not identical, to Secret Diary of a Call Girl, but it looks really interesting. Also, this is Sasha Grey’s feature film debut (don’t act like you don’t recognize the name, I know you have a copy of Face Invaders 4 under your bed), and even though Magnolia Pictures is very hit and miss, it looks good. Hey, Barb Wire didn’t premiere at Sundance.
Sasha Grey
May 22

The Brothers Bloom – Written and Directed by Rian Johnson
Johnson wrote and directed Brick, which most people thought was weird, but I freaking loved. This is way different, but it’s a caper comedy, and the cast looks good. As long as they’re not talking like The Big Sleep, it’ll be fine.
Mark Ruffalo, Adrien Brody, Rachel Weisz, Rinko Kikuchi
May 29

by The Great White Gypsy

Where is Steve McQueen?

No, don’t tell me he’s dead, that was just a ruse (a cunning attempt to trick me). He escaped from his coffin and is currently somewhere in Europe stealing paintings and prank calling Pierce Brosnan.

The escape genre has always held an allure for audiences. Sure, Clint Eastwood had a great one in Escape from Alcatraz, even more so because it was a true story. Steve McQueen made escapism even cooler than Harry Houdini, though, with his seminal classics Papillon and The Great Escape. Then Prison Break went three seasons too long and ruined the genre (how the fuck do they keep getting locked in rooms?). So when the Guy Ritchie-esque preview for The Escapist came out, I thought it would be the lock pick we needed to free us from the shackles of network television escapism.

I was wrong.

One of the newest additions to the IFC library (if you have Comcast on demand, it’s already there), The Escapist is the story of an old man (Brian Cox) who has been in an English prison for 14 years, without so much as a postcard. One day, he receives a letter from his wife, telling him his daughter has drug-related health problems that could potentially kill her. He decides that he must escape to see her one last time and “set everything right”. So he rounds up a group of five inmates and sets the daring plan in motion.

Admittedly, virgin writer/director Rupert Wyatt gave a generally superficial plot a bit more substance and emotion. The characters are all fairly interesting, the side plots aren’t cumbersome, and convincing Joseph Fiennes (Shakespeare in Love) to get down and dirty as an incarcerated fighter is pretty cool. Joe Walker’s editing was commendable – considering the film has two different timelines, as well as flashbacks and dreams – but not spectacular. Unfortunately, I have to lay blame on Rupert Wyatt for writing this story, because I was actually enjoying it until the last 4 minutes.

Obviously I’m not going to ruin the ending; that would be criminal. What I will say is that, up until the last few minutes, I said, “wow, for an indie prison escape film, this is pretty cool.” When it was over, I said, “Wow, how interesting, I really liked that.” Then, after I thought about it for 45 seconds, I said, “wait, I’ve seen that twist five thousand times, and this one was actually pretty weak.” (I talk to myself a lot). My biggest complaint was the tie-ins between the two storylines; I thought they could have been much better, much clearer, and not so rushed.

As an IFC fan, I would say that you should check this one out. Objectively speaking, it’s not horrible, and not everyone is a snob like me. Just wait until the very end, and you will either think, “Man, that gypsy guy really knows his shit”, or possibly, “Hey, that was cool, that gypsy guy is a douche bag.”

That’s why God invented comments.

Final Grade: C