by Ryan Macdonald

My next review was supposed to be on If a Tree Falls: A Story of the ELF, which I showed up for at Harvard Exit Wednesday evening. Two minutes in, the lights came back up, and we were informed that there was a “technical difficulty” that required everyone to “evacuate” the building. So a hundred people filed out into the late May drizzle and waited. I’ve heard several theories: There was a transformer problem, and the city required the evacuation. There was a bomb threat. There was a guy waving a gun outside the theater. Not sure what really happened, but the cops didn’t show up for a good twenty minutes, so…yeah. It’s probably just as well. In those two minutes of film I watched an ELF activist get arrested at his decent job, his sister post his $1.6 Million bail, and him walk around on “house arrest” in a George W. Bush “International Terrorist” T-shirt whilst cooking himself an organic-looking meal in a kitchen bigger than my house. Fucking rich kids.

After that catastrophe, I needed something to lift my spirits. Something to make me feel better about life. Something new and exciting, yet comfortingly familiar. I needed to roll out to The Neptune Theater late Thursday night for John Carpenter’s first film in ten years. I needed The Ward.

For anyone who doesn’t know (those of you who live under rocks, for example), Carpenter was a huge player in late ‘70’s and ‘80’s campy, self-aware horror films. Halloween, Escape from New York, The Thing, Big Trouble in Little China. All Carpenter. He’s my freaking hero.

The Ward is Carpenter’s first feature film since 2001’s Ghosts of Mars, which wasn’t received too well by critics or the public. It’s about Kristen (sexy new scream-queen Amber Heard), a disturbed girl who burns down a farm house and is committed to a psychiatric ward in North Bend, Oregon in 1966. Sharing the isolated ward with four other girls, she is moved into Tammy’s room, a girl who we got to see die in the first scene. From there, Kristen is haunted by a very pissed off ghost who torments the patients, but won’t let them leave the building.

I can’t even count how many films have done this exact story, or at least something very, very similar (Gothika comes to mind). There is very little about the story or the characters that is groundbreaking or even refreshingly original. Even the twist at the end is derivative. However - and this is where I get very biased - though it’s been done before. And it’s been done better. It hasn’t been done by John motherfucking Carpenter. Until now.

One thing I will point out is that John Carpenter cheated on this one. His career got off the ground in the mid 1970’s. After a decade long hiatus, he makes a period horror film set in the mid 1960’s. C’mon, John. It’s ok, we’re not going to hurt you. Just step right over here and into the 21st century. I was also very disappointed that Carpenter himself didn’t actually score this film. Of his sixteen major features, I think he’s scored all but one or two of them (the not so great ones.). So even though Mark Kilian’s score did a great job of establishing atmospheric creepiness and overall tension, the film is missing Carpenter’s trademark riffs and bells, and it’s a glaring void.

What Carpenter does get bonus points for, though, is being an old school director and not being ashamed of it. Too often in modern cinema, especially horror, CGI is overused to the point of ridiculousness. What little visual effects there are in The Ward are done very well. The rest of it is makeup, camera angles, lighting, and classic Carpenter, Tom Savini-esque special effects. Unfortunately, this is also a double edged sword. The Ward features some great death scenes that had the whole audience cringing. But one of them features an obvious prosthetic that, though it would have been acceptable thirty years ago, is so devoid of emotion or tension that the whole scene falls disappointingly flat. This failing aside, the lighting in various scenes, the makeup, the unrelenting and startling “boo!” moments were all classic Carpenter, and they made me smile.

As much as I would love to tell you objectively that this is a great film, and as confident as I am that I’ll be adding it to my John Carpenter Blu-ray collection, the ending of The Ward is immensely disappointing. Carpenter doesn’t usually do big twists or reveals at the end of his films. He’s a very WYSIWYG director who just wants to have fun. There needed to be a reveal at the end of this one, though. The violence and tension and jumping and melodramatic acting needed to go somewhere that made it all worth while. This reveal though, in the last five minutes, is again completely flat. It is delivered almost as a side note. Like the reason for this entire story isn’t really important. It’s so flat, in fact, that I didn’t fully realize how interesting (though, again, derivative) it was until I was halfway home. The last ten seconds almost make up for it, in classic ‘70’s horror style. But it’s not enough. If they’d cut five minutes out of the “tell me what’s going on” routine, and given us more on the reveal, it would have been fantastic. As it is now, I’m hoping there’s a director’s cut somewhere.

This isn’t new horror. This isn’t new independent film. This isn’t something you should take entirely seriously. John Carpenter has always been a very self-aware filmmaker who is out to entertain. That’s what I love about him and his films. As bad as the ending was, The Ward does require a second viewing to piece it all together, and it definitely got me out of my “cancelled-screening” funk.

Thanks to Jeff, Teresa, Drew, and Kristine for making it out to Seattle with me!

FInal Grade: B-

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