Good morning Mr. and Mr. Coen,

 

Your mission this year, should you choose to accept it, is rather simple: Make an entertaining film. 

 

Your last project, No Country for Old Men, was groundbreaking and bold, deserving every Oscar nod it received. Your portfolio, from Raising Arizona to The Ladykillers, establishes your style as a director. Bumbling, ordinary people are not bound to the “slapstick” pigeon-hole genre due only to your artfully shot, well-written stories.

 

However, we want this film to depart slightly from your style. We want you to experiment a little. Have some fun. This should be a political intrigue thriller. The camerawork, locations, even the score, should give the illusion of a serious CIA film. However, we want your traditional characters. They should all be relatable to the audience, but oblivious and out of their element. They should all be like children who walk into a movie half way through and miss the point.

 

As for casting:

 

George Clooney does his best work in your films, we think he would compliment this project well as a philandering ex-operative who takes himself too seriously. Though Michael Clayton was awful, we also think Tilda Swinton would be great as his cheating-counterpart, adding a cold, selfish, and just as clueless sensibility. We always enjoy seeing John Malkovich yell at people. So make him timid and uncertain, perhaps an analyst, who  screams at everyone. Though he may get lost in the plot, he will take himself more seriously than anyone. Throw Brad Pitt in there too. We’re not huge fans, but people seem to like him. Let him be an energetic moron, but don’t give him too much screen time. J.K. Simmons should be involved somehow too. He’s amazing. And we know that you are obligated to include your wife in this, so come up with something. We don’t really care. She’s usually good, but rarely carries anything well alone. She can round out the character development.

 

Remember, this film should be extremely entertaining; it’s tone should be humorous and accessible, but not pretentious or satirical. The characters should be well intentioned, completely oblivious to their ineptitude, but not successful in their endeavors. We do not want another “The Man Who Knew Too Little”. 

 

We have no doubt that you can bang this out in no time at all. It may seem like career-filler at first. But it will be well received and entertaining, another esoteric comedy to add to your resume.

 

This project is top secret, and cannot fall into the hands of enemy directors or moronic actors. 

 

Please burn this message after reading.

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